helpless.

2 weeks? 3 weeks? fuuck.

hmmm whats new...

started kaiser after a week of orientation [which means getting paid to sleep and look at pretty girls.], cant complain. not at all. my job is pretty simple, an hour of putting snacks together. lunch [which is paid for by my $7.50 a day meal card], deliver trays to patients, clean; it's worth the pay.


i missed a week of my school internship [because of kaiser]. after finally returning, some random asian [id be more specific but i dont want to be wrong] lady expressed disappointment that i havent been there for two weeks. now i probably talked to this lady for less than a minute within the first 30 minutes i got there on the first day, but i guess i can feel good that i was missed. i was even more happy i got to work with the same beautiful woman from the previous post [whom i found out was only a mere 4 years older, fuck yeah!]. that, and i landed an extra day in the week to go, i mean i do actually learn stuff there.


my manager at radioshack in on vacation, so everybody is picking up more slack. i've pretty much inherited his hours for the time being, and also his attitude i think. it's been growing more obvious that the people i help are really helpless. let's see, random customer quotes:

"this outdoor antenna, it is the kind that goes outdoors, or is that just the name of it?"

"and the mouse pad, do i have to do anything with it?" [after advising her to charge her bluetooth when she got home.]

"you have convertible boxes?" [as in, converter boxes.]


chocolate? party this friday. i used to always say id never throw parties cuz id be too embarrassed if not a lot of people show up. most of the parties that ive been to that were thrown have seriously lacked attendees, but everybody loves chocolate?.


i can't wait for my dvd :D

refurbished.

so the bridge has survived the fire. my mom brings home this cheap little prepaid, refurbished, phone that my dad apparently dropped off at my grandma's place. it's been sitting on my floor for about a week, still inside it's original liquor store bag, further secured into it's non-original, refurbished packaging. he also called the house today, so i expect another awkward [for him] conversation will soon come... anybody need a phone?

attitude.

so it's been more than two weeks since the new year started and i still haven't posted. but now that i think about it, i don't really care. it's not that big of a deal, you know? not like i ever know what to write about anyway. so, i didn't make any resolutions. i've stopped doing that years ago, at first because i never really tried to keep them, or cause i'd forget. now, it's because i think about it differently, if there's something that needs to change, why wait? why use the excuse of "it's a new year" to start doing new stuff? as we said every day in culinary school, "fuck it" and go.

i've been partying a lot in these past two weeks it seems. i'm sleepy as hell, but it does not stop yet. i have a big month ahead of me, or half a month, i guess. everybody's birthday is this month; mines is thursday. is it me, but are birthdays the hardest thing in the world to remember? i really only remember my mom's without any doubt. everybody else i end up asking for the date 50 times, or i somehow get reminded like 2 days before. i still don't know what i'm doing to celebrate my 20th, and i don't know what to do for anyone elses either. whatever.

seattle in two weeks! we ordered the tickets, it is going, down.

finally, i've set a match to the biggest bridge i've longed to burn. my dad calls me last night literally minutes before i was stepping out to go party. for some strange reason, he's mad that i didn't pick up the phone he bought me, that he said he was going to drop off. make any sense? no. so i explained that to him, and i guess he didn't hear me. i hear i have a problem speaking up, but i guess. so then he jumps into "what is your problem with me??" then i explain for the first time out of five time within a span of 10 minutes, that i don't have a problem with him, i don't hate him, i don't deny him as my father, and that it's simply because i've gotten used to him not being around and i'm in no way motivated to start a new relationship with him, i simply don't care. the thing that was different about this conversation, however, is that i was full on arguing with him. normally, i half listen, knowing what he's going to say. but this time i said "fuck it, he's going to listen to me." i think my attitude had something to do with me not being in my car. i mean i was supposed to be out partying, not arguing with a dumb fuck. sad part is that every time i said something, it was instantly translated into "i hate you, i've been holding animosity against you for years. wahhh wahh!!" so eventually i just gave up and resorted to amusing myself by pissing him off every chance i got. it was really the funniest conversation i've ever had after i realized his brain couldn't process a single thing i told him. who woulda thought an argument would amp me up to go party?

wave.

guy: hey, do u have a rubberband?
me: no.
guy: a rubberband???
me: nope.
guy:...alright. [walks out]
me: this nigga is really gonna get mad cuz i don't have a rubberband??

i have the best job ever.

so i worked on thanksgiving. best idea i ever agreed to. i just don't like waking up on a holiday and doing nothing. those tend to be the most boring mornings ever, at least at my house. and i didn't particularly feel like cooking, so work was the easy way out. i'm just mad that people apparently had the same idea of not staying home, i was expecting the day to be completely slow. it was ok tho, saw about 4 movies, only 2 i remember at the moment: back in the day, and dirty dancing. i've never seen dirty dancing before even tho the movie is older than me, but i'm in love with jennifer gray 20 years ago. right now she's not so hot, but back then, hell yes. i was trying to find out what other movies she was in back then, and heard about 'ferris bueller's day off.' so i was like 'ok, ima get this movie on dvd or somthin.' and with my luck, it came on tv today while i was at work but i missed the whole first hour :(

black friday was pretty weak, [funny how i can only think of discriminatory reasons that they'd call it black friday] i woke at up 4 somthin in the morning to go to work. i was prepared from last year's experience of a 6 hour non-stop wave of customers. this year, however, i had to deal with a non-stop wave of customers that lasted 30 minutes. so i'm pretty sure the few hours i spent standing around could've been substituted by sleep but hey, what can u do?

temptations

its not weird for me to just log on and start typing is it? because i have no idea what i want to write about. hmmm... so yesterday. pretty fun about halfway through the day. i decided to go catch this foreign film in pasadena later on, so i was pretty excited about that. work was boring as usual, but it's worse because corporate office is running around looking at stores so they have to be in perfect shape, meaning we have to put it in perfect shape. weak. i thought i'd end up staying til like 3 or later, but i finished what i needed to do pretty early and i was out by 1. i also had a pretty good attitude at work for once. not that i have really a bad attitude half the time, but more of a i don't really care. you when people like to talk to you about random things and you don't care? that attitude. i just didn't feel like being an ass.

so i got home and decide to rock a fro to pasadena. normally i wear my hair like a just woke up, hopped in the shower, and rapidly massaged my scalp. i don't know if that provides a good visual or not, but that's pretty much what i do anyway. nobody actually realizes how long my hair actually is though. when i comb it, it curls up and shrinks so it looks like it's maybe an inch long. it's about 4 inches long, and blow-drying it shows. it was funny how after i finished, i put on my glasses and realized how much i look like the black singer from rock band. then i got a lil dissappointed because i could've did that for halloween and it would've been great because i know hardly anybody would even think of it. then i got over it and started playing rock band. i swear that game is just like working out. i don't know if i said it before, but playing the drums for a while gets hard. but every time i try it again like a few days or a week later, i'm automatically better at it. try it. hmmm, now i'm looking at the mic on my tv tray, it's closer than i remember putting it. now im tempted.

so you have to go see the movie 'let the right one in,' best vampire movie ever. it's not even in english but that makes it better somehow. that's what i saw last night, and i've been waiting patiently for weeks to see it. it's only playing in two theatres in the los angeles area, and it can leave any time, so i finally took the initiative. it's not a scary movie really, more creepy/disturbing, which in my book is a little more realistic and/or scary. other than that it was pretty funny, but i think i laughed at all the parts i shouldn't have because everybody else was quiet. that's what i get for being black lol. speaking of black people, while me and my bro were walking to the theatre, some random guy just starts walking with us and decides to have an ignorant obama conversation with us. what he doesn't know, however, is that we're assholes.

'so we're in the whitehouse now.'
-'no, he is.'

'well, i voted for him'
-'i wanted hillary to win in the first place.'
-'i voted for mccain.'

'they should paint the whitehouse black.'
-'why? that's not a pretty color at all. maybe if it was like white and blue i'd like it but not black.'
-'if they painted it black, somebody might crash into it at night, not a good idea.'

after a couple blocks, we were saved by some random car who called out to him, i guess they knew each other, but he was distracted long enough for us to cross the street and keep moving. vets be crazy man.

alaska.

i learned a lot last night. negatives: people really are assholes, i'm not enough of an asshole, and i can drink as much as i want as long as i do not sit down. positives: so far i can attest to being immune to the hangover, i will actually look forward to the morning after [not talking about "sexy times"*], and i have great friends.

so i did my second bartending gig last night. it was the mansion party we had long anticipated since the last one a couple months ago. it was funny because s.p. called me while i was at work to tell me that they caught a praying mantis and put it on my bar, and to make up a drink named after the praying mantis. then they proceeded to smoke out the mantis. i'm like wtf, how random can you get?? i did the damn thing though, made up a pretty bomb drink that everybody loved. i'm not telling you what it is though, but it was a bright green mix dubbed "faded mantis." i had the bar for 3 hours, and its pretty chill, besides getting no breaks. the only thing is people tend to not have any freaking manners. i had a couple people start trying to help themselves, cuz i'm apparently just standing behind the bar for fun. i had a couple people try to bullshit me into giving them free drinks after the designated time for free drinks was over. and what's worse, i caught a couple people with their hands in my tip jar. after all this, i figure if i continue to do bartending, i need to start being more of an asshole because these kids can't seem to grasp the concept of respect. maybe next time i'll be all "if i find your hand in my jar again i will fucking murder you." serious face :| you know what else pissed me off?? i had a chicken sandwhich, which somebody bought me before the party even started. i didn't get the time to eat it, but when i went to get it around 1.30am, it wasn't there. somebody ate my gotdamn chicken sandwhich! i never get to eat before/during a party, it's my curse. next time somebody puts their hand on my food, i will kill that mofo.

you ever go to sleep in a warm house and when you wake up and it's freaking alaska in that bitch? i don't know what happened but i had a wifebeater, a shirt, and a thick jacket on when i went to sleep, and somehow they completely lost their functionality. other than that waking up was fun, i spent the night at the house with a handful of other guests and hosts and we all woke up at the same time. i thought this whole period of time was very interesting. you know how everyone gets pretty much blowed the night before, go to sleep tired as hell, then wake up 4 hours later like somebody i.v.'d a couple monster energy drinks into their bloodstreams? so we spent maybe an hour sitting around having random conversations about nothing important, and now i have this kind-of question: wouldn't you think that you'd have the most interesting conversations while your actually drunk rather than when you're not? because this morning we talked about things even more odd than during the actual party. i'm starting to think it's because when we're not under the influence, or at least not as much, we actually have the mental capacity to expand on the nonsense that leaves our mouths. it's like having a political discussion about the party but with numerous added tangents. it sounds retarded i know, but next time you go to a party/kickback and people stay the night, you stay the night too and in the morning witness my theory at work.


oh, and thanks to you guys who came out. i honestly didn't expect so many of my friends to show up. i feel appreciated :D





*credits to Dope Like Louboutins :D

charger.

so i either slowed down or time has went too fast. i def need to keep up with my posting. i think i have a lot to talk about, or at least i think i have a lot i could talk about. who knows.

i haven't told a radioshack story in a minute, so maybe i'll start with a couple. i think it was last week when i witnessed the most ignorant guy, in existence, in action. so i'm probably standing around doing nothing, my boss is talking to this lady about her phone or somethin. so, this guy walks in almost yelling "i need to pay my bill!," completely interrupting the ongoing conversation. my boss points out that he was in the middle of a conversation so the guy says "ok fine i'll come back when somebody else is here," you know, cuz i'm obviously a ghost and shit. so the lady is nice enough to let him get his bill paid, but the whole time my boss is trying to find out everything he needs to know about what's being paid for, because contrary to popular belief, we have like 5 different bills that can be paid there. i mean seriously people get mad when i ask "what kind of bill are you paying?" and they reply with an attitude "radioshack, what else? this is radioshack right?" and then i reply "we can pay your [nigga phone], the radioshack credit card, dish network, sprint, and reload prepaid credit cards [you stupid asshole]." and yes, i just couched that quote, because i didn't say that exactly. and yes, i got A's in english class. anyway, the whole time this guy is yelling while my boss is calm and talking to him. finally, my boss goes "look, i'm trying to help-" "look man i just wanna pay my bill!" exclaims ignoramus (remind me not to use that word again, i don't like it). so my boss gives him back the money, tells him to leave and have a good day. i'm thinking this guy could not already get any louder, but he pretty much explodes and gets all gangster and in his face yelling stuff like "you little bitch!" and "you fat motherfucker!" at this point, we both start to laugh a little at his reaction, and like always, this seems to excite them a little more. i think the funniest thing this guy yelled was asking what time my boss got off work and following that up with "i'll lay you out in this parking lot." finally he leaves and we can hear him maybe a block away still expressing his ignorant feelings. i kinda feel sorry for the guy that was with him; you could tell this guy had some sense, so imagine having to walk around with a stupid fuck like that guy all day.

saturday was interesting too. i'm at work and this girl comes in and tells me how her phone died and she needs me to charge it for her so she can call her friend to get picked up. so we don't charge peoples phones because of responsibility issues if something were to happen. i tell her i can't charge her phone. and she says "well if i were to buy the charger, cash and everything, could you charge it a little bit?" and i say no. so she says she wants to buy the charger anyway, so i go to look for the charger. unfortunately we sold out of the chargers, so i try to explain that to her. so i'm thinking she understands that, then she asks if there's something that can charge her phone while she's walking. we do have that, but it's also sold out. so i tell her unless she wants to go to another store to pick it up then there's nothing i can do. so she asks if i could check if we have any more chargers, cuz i didn't just tell her we sold out. then she reverts back to the "so if i were to buy it cash, you're gonna tell me that you don't have a charger." and i revert back to "we sold out." then she takes a couple more steps back into the convo and asks if i could charge her phone. and i proceed with "how [the hell] am i going to charge your phone if i don't have the charger to even sell to you?" aaand then we spend like 30 minutes repeating the same questions and answers in little circles. i swear the conversation looked like the freaking olympic games logo. i'm wtf, are you really that retarded??

that chick from 40-year-old virgin is hot. trish's daughter, you know. i'm watching it right now for the second time all the way through, i think just because i can. i've been saying "for sho" just because of steve carrell. i used to hate that saying.

i've been drawing a lot lately. thursday night i stayed up til 5 in the morning drawing a picture of 'seras victoria' of the hellsing manga. saturday nite and all sunday i drew and inked 'c.c.' of the code geass anime. google em since you probably have no idea who the hell i'm talking about. anyways, my drawings came out sexy. i'm proud of myself. i need to get one of them framed so i can hang it up and show off a lil.

i have more to talk about, but i'll wait til about thursday. it'd be better that way.

calories.

let's see.

i don't know what's happening. it feels like time has been moving faster than it should. i haven't posted in 9 days, and it feels more like it's been 2 or 3 weeks. it's the third day of the week and i feel like it's already over. i think i know where this feeling comes from. the only thing is that i have two different possibilities. first, i'm tired. second, i've been thinking too much into the distant future about little things: due dates, work schedule, money. i'm liking that 'live today like it's your last' idea, but the line is very thin, making it difficult to distinguish wreckless from carefree. of course, i hold more indifference than the average bear, but it doesn't hold the same joys as being carefree. i'm not happy. at the same time, i'm not sad, angry, dissappointed. i'm bored.

looking into the distant future, however, i see good things coming. after this week my homework load won't be so overwhelming. i mean even though it's not a lot of work, i went for a year with no homework in culinary school, so it takes adjusting. i should also be getting my scholarship check from my church within the next week or two, which will reimburse the 400+ dollars i spent on this semester at school.

school is weird. i have no friends, i'm just gonna throw that out there immediately. i've always went to new schools and classes with the mentality that i'm not here to meet people, but i'm here to just do class and leave. normally i start out ok, then i end up befriending classmates or maybe even seeing someone i've already known. this situation is actually different. once again, i'm pretty much the only person my age, so even if i conversate with some classmates from time to time, i doubt i'll ever actually befriend them. normally black people end up grouping together, but i doubt i'm going to do that. there's this one chick as a matter of fact who comments on every single thing somebody says trying to make a joke or just to be an asshole. i don't know if she's trying to be funny or what, but it's gotten old and she's just coming off as ignorant. whatever. i miss culinary school. i miss highschool. people my age i could relate to and have fun with. how do i end up having to go through this?

i figured out, actually i confirmed, why i've been the same weight for the past 2 years. i'm not eating enough. i thought i ate a lot. i should keep tracking my diet to really make sure this is the case, but that's what i noticed. it's not like i'm missing just a little bit of calories, i'm missing like 40% of what i actually need. man.

i'm done with this post. i really didn't want to write rite now anyway, but i figured i'd never get around to it otherwise :/

actually, one more thing: metro station. it's funny what music i listen to sometimes. i really like this group tho, it's like pop/electro-ish, just check out kelsey and shake it.

weathered.

i love m.i.a.'s 'paper planes'. makes we want to get high. too bad i don't do that. last nite i saw pineapple express at the midnight premiere. never order tickets online, you do not want to deal with it. for one they charge a dollar extra for every ticket as a surcharge. for two, in my situation i had to pay 69 bucks to reserve 6 tickets for me and my friends. now somehow i ended up paying 16 dollars to see this movie; do the math. that sucked, but the movie was great. you just have to see it. i'll probably end up seeing it again though, so worth it.

i'm praying that my ability to apply and dedicate myself greatly multiplies in power..

did i mention i love my job? i'm positive many people would hate my job for the very same reasons i like it. you that point in life when you have nothing to really talk about? like you don't have any stories to add to the convo? pretty boring, rite? ever since i started working at radioshack i've been rapidly building up random tales to be shared. today by itself brought three interesting customers.

first one. this lady comes in my store to put money on her nigga phone. so, as always, i ask how much they said to put on the phone. she tells me 63.06. and ntoe this is similar to a bill, so if you don't pay the whole thing your service is interrupted. so i tell her that her total will be 66.56. for some reason she says "no, you need to take somethin off cuz that don't sound right." and i tell her that we charge 3.50 to process payments (so obviously 63.06 plus 3.50 equals 66.56). now she's insisting that isn't right, and i'm over here trying to recalculate in case i'm wrong. i wasn't, i added right the first time, and she's over here trippin out. so i explain to her again that 63.06, the amount she told me she owes, plus the 3.50 we charge, is equal to 66.56. so she proceeds say: "no i'm only gonna put 63 dollars then." so then i say "ok, so 66.50..." she's perfectly fine with that. so i'm looking at my boss and co-worker like wtf... this lady's really tripping over 6 centavos, and it's not like she didn't have it, but i guess.

second one. this bu- weathered man, to be nice, came in looking for headphones so i show him what we had. and i know i'm messed up but i show him the 10 dollar ones assuming he doesn't want to pay that much for em. and i was right, he's up here complaining that they cost too much and in my head i'm like "man black people be cheap sometimes". so he walks away and i let him be. he goes to the phone section and starts going through his stuff but it looked like he was trying to hide something with the way he turned his back. he pulls out this little pink razr-looking demo phone, you know the ones that have the screen posted on so it looks like its in the middle of something but you know it's completely plastic?, like those. he goes up to my boss and asks if we can activate it. my boss tells him its fake and it's really nothing but trash, so this bum gets mad and throws the phone on the ground and walks out. i pick up the phone and throw it in the trash. maybe two minutes later, he comes storming back in looking for it. so my boss asks me where i put it, and everybody in store (two customers, my co-worker, boss, and me) knows what's up already, so smiling i say "i threw it away." so he's mad and says he wants his phone back, so my boss picks up the trashcan and says "i'm not going to go in the trash to get it so if you want it you get it." so the bum goes for it then storms out once again. then he opts to mean-mug my boss from outside the store for like 10 minutes.

third. this guy comes in looking for a phone charger. he's an asshole, i just don't know why yet. i show him the charger and it's 30 bucks. and of course i don't expect anybody to buy a phone charger for 30 bucks, that is expensive. he also needed an ipod charger, but he's an idiot because he can't tell a ipod from a completely different mp3 player. but i tell him he can get both chargers he needs for 30-40 bucks cuz they're universal so the more things you need the charger for the more you get out of your money. the whole time i'm trying to explain things to him he has this condescending look on his face like he knows everything. so i just look past that, i ring up the charger for him, and he asks to see the headphones and i point to the wall next to the counter. he's like "behind the register??" and i say no. and he says "yes it is because it behind the register" while making hand gestures that the register/counter stands farther out than the wall. now realizing this guy is a stupid asshole, i see that he's trying to also be a smart-ass by speaking technically when anybody else would stand "behind the counter" as directly bhind the counter. so i tell him "whatever, you can still walk there." so he goes, takes a look for a minute, then starts to walk out. he left the stuff he just bought on the counter, and being nice, i call him back and say "do you want your stuff?" so i guess out his embarrassment, he has to be an asshole again. so he has the nerve to say "well you're already supposed to have that bagged up for me. when you ring me up and gave the reciept it's supposed to all ready for me, right? so it's your fault right?" and i'm looking at him like he's stupid, but i'm not gonna argue with him cuz it's a waste of time so i'm blowing him off like "ok, whatever." so leaves and my boss, who was standing there the whole time, is like "why do ignorant fuckers always come here?" and tells me if somebody acts like that just give them their money back and tell em to leave. sooo with that permission i'm starting being an ass back to people. mostly because that somehow pissed me off, i want him to come back because i have a conversation for him already haha. asshole.

now that think about it, headphones bring me not so good luck :/