temptations

its not weird for me to just log on and start typing is it? because i have no idea what i want to write about. hmmm... so yesterday. pretty fun about halfway through the day. i decided to go catch this foreign film in pasadena later on, so i was pretty excited about that. work was boring as usual, but it's worse because corporate office is running around looking at stores so they have to be in perfect shape, meaning we have to put it in perfect shape. weak. i thought i'd end up staying til like 3 or later, but i finished what i needed to do pretty early and i was out by 1. i also had a pretty good attitude at work for once. not that i have really a bad attitude half the time, but more of a i don't really care. you when people like to talk to you about random things and you don't care? that attitude. i just didn't feel like being an ass.

so i got home and decide to rock a fro to pasadena. normally i wear my hair like a just woke up, hopped in the shower, and rapidly massaged my scalp. i don't know if that provides a good visual or not, but that's pretty much what i do anyway. nobody actually realizes how long my hair actually is though. when i comb it, it curls up and shrinks so it looks like it's maybe an inch long. it's about 4 inches long, and blow-drying it shows. it was funny how after i finished, i put on my glasses and realized how much i look like the black singer from rock band. then i got a lil dissappointed because i could've did that for halloween and it would've been great because i know hardly anybody would even think of it. then i got over it and started playing rock band. i swear that game is just like working out. i don't know if i said it before, but playing the drums for a while gets hard. but every time i try it again like a few days or a week later, i'm automatically better at it. try it. hmmm, now i'm looking at the mic on my tv tray, it's closer than i remember putting it. now im tempted.

so you have to go see the movie 'let the right one in,' best vampire movie ever. it's not even in english but that makes it better somehow. that's what i saw last night, and i've been waiting patiently for weeks to see it. it's only playing in two theatres in the los angeles area, and it can leave any time, so i finally took the initiative. it's not a scary movie really, more creepy/disturbing, which in my book is a little more realistic and/or scary. other than that it was pretty funny, but i think i laughed at all the parts i shouldn't have because everybody else was quiet. that's what i get for being black lol. speaking of black people, while me and my bro were walking to the theatre, some random guy just starts walking with us and decides to have an ignorant obama conversation with us. what he doesn't know, however, is that we're assholes.

'so we're in the whitehouse now.'
-'no, he is.'

'well, i voted for him'
-'i wanted hillary to win in the first place.'
-'i voted for mccain.'

'they should paint the whitehouse black.'
-'why? that's not a pretty color at all. maybe if it was like white and blue i'd like it but not black.'
-'if they painted it black, somebody might crash into it at night, not a good idea.'

after a couple blocks, we were saved by some random car who called out to him, i guess they knew each other, but he was distracted long enough for us to cross the street and keep moving. vets be crazy man.

calories.

let's see.

i don't know what's happening. it feels like time has been moving faster than it should. i haven't posted in 9 days, and it feels more like it's been 2 or 3 weeks. it's the third day of the week and i feel like it's already over. i think i know where this feeling comes from. the only thing is that i have two different possibilities. first, i'm tired. second, i've been thinking too much into the distant future about little things: due dates, work schedule, money. i'm liking that 'live today like it's your last' idea, but the line is very thin, making it difficult to distinguish wreckless from carefree. of course, i hold more indifference than the average bear, but it doesn't hold the same joys as being carefree. i'm not happy. at the same time, i'm not sad, angry, dissappointed. i'm bored.

looking into the distant future, however, i see good things coming. after this week my homework load won't be so overwhelming. i mean even though it's not a lot of work, i went for a year with no homework in culinary school, so it takes adjusting. i should also be getting my scholarship check from my church within the next week or two, which will reimburse the 400+ dollars i spent on this semester at school.

school is weird. i have no friends, i'm just gonna throw that out there immediately. i've always went to new schools and classes with the mentality that i'm not here to meet people, but i'm here to just do class and leave. normally i start out ok, then i end up befriending classmates or maybe even seeing someone i've already known. this situation is actually different. once again, i'm pretty much the only person my age, so even if i conversate with some classmates from time to time, i doubt i'll ever actually befriend them. normally black people end up grouping together, but i doubt i'm going to do that. there's this one chick as a matter of fact who comments on every single thing somebody says trying to make a joke or just to be an asshole. i don't know if she's trying to be funny or what, but it's gotten old and she's just coming off as ignorant. whatever. i miss culinary school. i miss highschool. people my age i could relate to and have fun with. how do i end up having to go through this?

i figured out, actually i confirmed, why i've been the same weight for the past 2 years. i'm not eating enough. i thought i ate a lot. i should keep tracking my diet to really make sure this is the case, but that's what i noticed. it's not like i'm missing just a little bit of calories, i'm missing like 40% of what i actually need. man.

i'm done with this post. i really didn't want to write rite now anyway, but i figured i'd never get around to it otherwise :/

actually, one more thing: metro station. it's funny what music i listen to sometimes. i really like this group tho, it's like pop/electro-ish, just check out kelsey and shake it.

excuses.

just a quik rhyme.

i am the palm that reached out for your guidance
my inarticulate speech only gets me denied
its just the simple fact that i tried once
that gets me by on this hunch
i can get high on my blunts
it's all i could ever want
cuz as a child i was really a liar
i never wanted to be a doctor, teach, or fight fires
just wanna blame my boss for bein racist every time i get fired
never finish school for there's no goal to which i aspire
let the government that doesn't support me, support me
turn that attitude towards my child that absolutely abhors me
and blame it on my father who was never there for me
for i have no control over a fate set before me...

i'm probably an asshole for tagging this under 'black people' (not to generalize cuz i surely don't mean all)... but sheesh tell me i'm wrong.

physical.

[4.25 pm] i'm sitting in the waiting room lakeside building at kaiser permanente waiting to take a tb test that i need results for tomorrow.. yeah.. i'm mad that when i called to schedule it they thought i said STD test. after i corrected the lady, she told me i don't have an assigned doctor anymore and that i need to go take a physical. i'm thinking that this is the last thing on my agenda right now, but she tells me that if i can make it to the building before 4.30 i can take it. it was 3.45, i was in long beach and kaiser is on the other side of los angeles. i had to bust a mission. i can consider yesterday my practice: i drove from long beach city college to the del amo mall in less than 20 minutes to catch tropic thunder. i made it at the last preview and now i'm under the presumption that toby mcguire is playing a gay guy in his next role. i mean i could be wrong but when you walk in late on a preview you don't ever know what to think. now i'm sitting in the nurses office in the lakeside building at kaiser perma... ok nevermind they took care of me. So now I get to go home and look at this bump and register for classes. i'll finish later, i'm texting my blog. i hope this uploads...

[5.40pm] ok, it uploaded. just had to edit a little. i think i'm going to like my new school a lot more than trade tech. for one, i can pay for my parking pass before anything else. at trade tech you had to pay for classes before you could get a pass which was pretty gay. second, there is a much larger percentage of good looking girls. lastly, and most interestingly, the place is infested with rabbits. it's really, they just lay around all day in public. they're not really scared of the people that come around either. it gave me an idea: when i have my own house, i want a huge backyard with a few trees. i'll buy a few animals and just let em live back there like the rabbits do. back to the school... i'm tired. i've been driving back and forth all week to take care of random stuff, and i'm still not done. i need to get registered for three more classes, get my dietetic uniform, and get books.

i just noticed that writing a blog tends to make me talk about simple things in the longest possible way. i'd be annoyed with myself if i had all this stuff to say when i started talking.

so the dummy phone bum came back today :D. weird thing though, he was all nice and calm and stuff. i was trying not to laugh though cause i was thinking about last week, or whenever that crap happened. i forget.

i want a Samsung Instinct now. i'm really only excited about being able to choose which voicemail you want to listen to instead "you have, four unheard messages... first message, sent at... second message...". one day.

headphones.

so i did the smart thing to do and left my computer on all nite to allow a full torrent file of 40-year-old virgin to save itself to my computer. i will see that movie damnit.

i watched the 'Black In America' movie. i kno it's not a movie but come on that ish was 2 hours long. i guess it was interesting to see different perspectives and beliefs about the nature, habits, and thoughts of and towards our people. i figure when my mom asks me if i watched it i'll say exactly that and only that. i don't have any follow up comments, not to my suprise.

[edit 07.26.08]

i watched the 'Black In America' movie. i kno it's not a movie but come on that ish was 2 hours long. i guess it was interesting to see different perspectives and beliefs about the nature, habits, and thoughts of and towards our people. i figure when my mom asks me if i watched it i'll say exactly that and only that. i mean they didn't tell me anything that i wasn't already aware of. of course i kno statistics by heart, but i don't need those to know shit is fucked up. and now that i'm thinking about it more, this show wasn't made for black people. although i suppose there are a large amount that are oblivious to this stuff, i'm almost sure they didn't care to watch it. i'm honestly starting to think this whole thing was filmed to show other people, and especially white people, why we act the way we do, to show our wounds. is it an excuse? are we looking for sympathy? or wtf. i mean i really hope not, but who knows.

homemade chicken and waffles :D i probably won't have to eat for like 5 more hours. knowing me i'll eat within 2. i should be fat. i should also shut up because i appreciate not being fat, as much as i eat.

i can't wait for rock band 2. i'm not sure tho if i should skip guitar hero world tour. i just know they're both gonna cost more than 100, rock band 2 is gonna be easy as shit, and guitar hero is gonna be difficult as shit, based on past experience.

i think i'm developing a new pet peeve at work. it's so annoying when people completley waste your time. i understand that half of los angeles county understands technology at even a 1st grade level, and i don't mind taking my time to explain how things work. that's not my job description tho.. all they really ask of me is to sell stuff and follow their little programs and focuses. but when i do take my time to teach a customer about something or do more than what i need to like open stuff so they can demo it, the least they can do is appreciate it, or better yet, buy somethin lol.. for instance, this guy comes into the store with some headphones that he wanted an adapter for and to test and see if they still worked. so i'm nice enough to let him test them before he bought the adapter, i plug it up to a radio and let him listen. guess what this asshole does: he tells me they work then hands me the headphones and says i can keep them. wtf rite? so i just threw em away while he was standing there. he doesn't buy the adapter and if he did say thank you it wasn't sincere anyway so that was a complete waste of my time. i have plenty of stories similar to that but i think you get my point. who wants to keep helping people out like that if half the customers are gonna be ungrateful? but i guess this why we at radioshack are masters of the bs. if we don't feel like helping you for whatever reason, we'll have the best excuse in world with your name on it. and if u try to call corporate we'll just call before u do and be like the little kid who goes to mommy and tells them their side of story so that they don't get in trouble cuz it's not their fault. i love my job.

indifference.

so rite now im tryin to watch 40-year-old virgin. i've never seen the movie all the way through, so why not tonite u kno? only problem is that i'm streaming it and it's taking it's sweet time. so i have to pause it and let it load more, not to mention it's broken into 3 videos so that's more waiting. but at least the down time is making me blog.

"just come back". comment from my last post by diamondsr4eva. oh, i came back :D. i wrote a couple verses to Nas' Hero track, and i love myself for it. i'm thinkin i'll post it soon. or when me and my bro record over the beat, i'll post that. either or. it feels good tho when u've stopped somthing for a while, then all of a sudden you start again and you're almost on a different level if not just as skilled. not tryin to be cocky/full of myself, but that's just how it feels. i'm sure u've been there before.

i have to watch that Black in America thing that was on CNN. my mom recorded it while i was at school and she told me i need to watch it. i knew about beforehand but i'd forgotten the date, so at least it's there. honestly tho, as much as i kno i probably should watch it, i don't really want to. i'm not as interested as i should be. i probably won't change the way i live after watching it. even if it changes the way i think, it probably won't be for too long. i'm not an informed person. i don't watch the news, i don't follow politics. "i guess i'm dead cuz i ain't listen to Diddy" or Puff, however that Lupe quote goes. i'm just full of indifference. i don't need stuff to worry about. i just want to live. this is the one subject i hate conversating with adults about. they believe i need to stay informed, that i need to exercise my right to vote. i understand the importance, the consequences, and the reasons behind it. i just can't force myself to.. care. as insensitive as it may sound: i didn't ask anybody to fight for my right to vote, so y guilt trip me about what you heard that people went through. i don't expect u to agree with me or even respect me for that but that's what's in my heart. besides, it's a right to vote, meaning it's a choice, an option available to me. let me choose.

also i've been thinking that niggas needa calm down about cops lol. i know we've all had some bad experiences. i mean people must be on one to think cops have no purpose but to bring you down. u really think they care about ur being that much to sit around and try to catch you fuckin up? come on now.. i know that some cops do focus on certain people and hope they get a good catch, their mama's never taught them respect, they grabbed your balls, whatever, but honestly, every single cop u have met has not been a total asshole, and if you really believe that i think u have something to do with it. i mean it's the same thing as someone who has a problem making friends with a certain group of people. when girls say the guys they date are all the same. i've heard many times that you affect what comes into your own life. your tounge can create, and your mind has a magnetic power. i only really started thinkin about cuz damn near every rapper has to throw "fuck the cops/police" in an album. i mean i don't hate cops, nor do i support everything they do. i have my indifference as usual. i guess i'm just puzzled as to why people put so much time into pointless things like that. shoot me.

i just know there was more to write but now i can't remember :/
o well, back to 40-year-old virgin.. which has only loaded half of the first third of the movie damnit!!