relapse.

im trying to get back into writing poetry again, even if just a little bit. that and it slows my transition into a completely unsensitive/vulcanish asshole :)

im lost in a stare and im tryin not to blink again
while the beams brush the surface of the skin
i love your shine under the starlight, others call it the sun
that's why im waitin for the clouds to run
for those rays to dash, amplify the colors in between those lashes
love it when they're framed in glasses
everytime you glance i feel a rush
cuz trust, i cannot look away, my eyes keep movin down and up
lips are lush, im in a trance every time you brush,
by, freckles pinpoint every spot i wanna touch
and im sure you got the hint, but if you must know
im tryin pretty hard to make you blush through your blush
like your eye shadow after the day's through, im tryin not to linger
never will i shadow, i just wanna take you by the fingers
and always stand to your left like it's forever 9 o'clock
cuz im willing to stop time if it means this moment i'll lock

whatever.

i'm solely posting because i haven't in months. let's see if this will me get back into the habit.

ready?...

go!

so, i was pretty much an ass today, but it was like a cool kinda ass. i wasn't mad or annoyed at anything, just didn't care i guess. i had this one guy come into the store today, he didn't speak english. that's ok, he asked me if i spoke spanish and i say 'un poquito.' so normally i say that and they try to explain what they need. what does this guy do? he says 'no.' just 'no.' as if to say 'in order to help me, you absolutely must be fluent in the language of my people.' and you know what i say? 'ok.' then proceed to sell a phone to other customers, in spanish, who were more appreciative of my efforts. and i know he heard me speaking the language of his people.

more people are coming in to buy converter boxes before the switch on friday. most of them fail to realize their coupons expire. smh. one couple in particular boosted my ego a lil. they came to get their boxes, and i offered them the warranty. the girl immediately rejects, before i even get to explain it, which happens. i don't know why, but i was like, in my head of course, 'fuck you.' i glance at her for a second, then turn to the guy; 'sir, put it like this: the warranty covers you for the year, if you add it you're only paying 22 bucks total. now say you don't add it and something happens, you're paying 60 bucks for a new box cuz you're not getting new coupons.' and he immediately said yes. looked at the girl and smirked. this chick just got figuratively bitchslapped! hahahahaha.

ok, im done.

coo coo ka-chow!

follow.. no, stalk me on twitter, yes?

search for "aeriin," so simple, no?

simpler than having me gather thoughts into the spirit bombs you're accustomed to :D

silence.

videogames are great. they are the best jesus made since 1. wine, and 2. dickie shorts [have you ever done any physical activity in them???] the only letdown of videogames is that you can't do that shit in real life.

examples:

-street fighter iv: i want to fire kick people in the face and cannon spike jaws, never gonna happen.

-final fantasy series: who doesn't want to silence their peers at a whim, or meteor them for that matter.

-pokemon: i want an eevee, end of story.

videogames are on top of the fantasy inducers along with dreams and pornography.

crimson.

so about 20 minutes ago i was speeding down the highway, windows down, chanting "crimson, and clover, over, and over" [jimmy eat world's "a praise chorus"]. i had my green tea and i was [and still am] filled with energy. i don't understand why i feel so perfect right now. i feel like every sunday should be exactly like this.

quick realization: currently, the closest we can get to teleportation is achieved by gettin drunk.

idol.

Im sitting in my car in the kaiser parking lot, hour and a half early. This is probably one of those things my coworker would tease me for, saying im not black.

Anyway, interesting week i must say [note by this week i mean starting last friday to today]. Last friday was the second official chocolate? party at the mansion. Needless to say, we threw down. Lets see, 11.30pm, the place is packed. Police even came complaining, not about the party, about the number of people there. We kicked half the people out and it got packed again shortly. Bar stayed busy as shit. We are the shit.

I think im gonna make next tuesday my last day at the hospital where my would-be-perfect-wife works, thus allowing me to start my plan :D

I may start a little section, or endless post, just to document the growing stupidity ive been witnessing. I mean, seriously: you know you're stupid when you blame a slow line at mcdonalds on the state of california. Yes, somebody said that. I know you're thinking "nobody would say that it doesn't make any sense." i assure you my friends, somebody said that shit.

I hope i wasn't one of those kids who answered the question "who do you want to be like when you grow up?". Im sure i was but today i officially retract my answer. I watch people, all the time. School, work, public places. I have yet to meet someone i can proudly say "i'd like to be like him". I mean, of course nobody's perfect, but what happened to having an idol, a hero? I have no one in my everyday life id like to be like, nor out of all those you'd see on tv. Whatever.

crosshatch

crosshatch shading? havent touched that style since highschool.

helpless.

2 weeks? 3 weeks? fuuck.

hmmm whats new...

started kaiser after a week of orientation [which means getting paid to sleep and look at pretty girls.], cant complain. not at all. my job is pretty simple, an hour of putting snacks together. lunch [which is paid for by my $7.50 a day meal card], deliver trays to patients, clean; it's worth the pay.


i missed a week of my school internship [because of kaiser]. after finally returning, some random asian [id be more specific but i dont want to be wrong] lady expressed disappointment that i havent been there for two weeks. now i probably talked to this lady for less than a minute within the first 30 minutes i got there on the first day, but i guess i can feel good that i was missed. i was even more happy i got to work with the same beautiful woman from the previous post [whom i found out was only a mere 4 years older, fuck yeah!]. that, and i landed an extra day in the week to go, i mean i do actually learn stuff there.


my manager at radioshack in on vacation, so everybody is picking up more slack. i've pretty much inherited his hours for the time being, and also his attitude i think. it's been growing more obvious that the people i help are really helpless. let's see, random customer quotes:

"this outdoor antenna, it is the kind that goes outdoors, or is that just the name of it?"

"and the mouse pad, do i have to do anything with it?" [after advising her to charge her bluetooth when she got home.]

"you have convertible boxes?" [as in, converter boxes.]


chocolate? party this friday. i used to always say id never throw parties cuz id be too embarrassed if not a lot of people show up. most of the parties that ive been to that were thrown have seriously lacked attendees, but everybody loves chocolate?.


i can't wait for my dvd :D

discomfort.

today had to be the most interesting i've had in a while. it wasn't even a good day necessarily, just really interesting.

i am officially the closest ill ever get to being in love "at first sight". at the hospital i interned at, i was working under the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. i don't know what it was about her; she wasn't magazine beautiful, she wasn't hot [no make-up, no revealing clothes], she had kind of pale skin. i don't know what it was about her, but i wish i was about 5 years older so i could marry her, cuz obviously every guy that she's met so far is fucking stupid for not doing so. i never get this excited about a girl i've seen either. usually, with my curse of being over observant, i'll easily find something about literally anybody's physical features that may stay on my mind and turn me off. i was working with her for about 3 hours and could not find a single thing. her personality was great too, laid back and calm; "not a hype chick, a girl with proper energy" [as nas would say]. omfg.

i found a pho so 1 restaraunt in hawaiian gardens. love that place.

in class today, i was sitting in the last row, this girl and another guy sat in front of me. they're friends, but as far as i know they don't have much prior history. but tell me why i happened to look under the table in front of me to see her hand on his leg? then tell me why every time i looked her hand was getting closer to you know where, until it finally got to you know where? and then tell me why, after a few minutes the guy starts shuffling himself about his seat in "discomfort"? i didn't know whether to "eww" or "woowww that just happened." i went with the latter. now i simply can't look at the girl the same way. believe me, i tried it, and i could not help but turn my head and crack a smile.

...omfg, excuse me while i reminisce about my would-be-perfect-for-me wife.

you know what would be fucking awesome??? if i had a recurring dream featuring the one from last one, with my would-be-perfect-for-me wife biting my finger instead of the other chick... man...

cat.

i had this dream. i was chilling in a room watching tv with a particular girl who will remained unnamed and un-hinted-at. the whole time she was being playful [not as far as the thoughts that may have just popped up in your head] and biting my finger. it felt just like a cat biting your finger: sharp, but not too painful. somebody walks by the room and throws something at the girl, causing her to jump and attack, all cat-like. i was kinda pissed cuz at that exact moment my phone was ringing, and i can only guess that my dream was ended that because i was fated to wake up to a ringing phone. i hate when that happens, cuz you can never go back to that same dream. no more biting... that shit was hot. don't ask, i really am starting to enjoy pain.

hmm, i was also thinking, that the particular girl in the dream seems like the type to like biting... hmmm...

remotes.

so, i think this is the most pointless conversation i've ever had on a work phone. ever. i'm going to quote the conversation to the best of my ability, complete with mind commentary [notated by "[]"]. enjoy:

[me]: thank you for calling radioshack, this is chris speaking.

lady: hi, i was wondering if i could get some information from you?

[me]: ok.

-silence-

[me]: ...about? [what the fuck...]

lady: oh, yes. well i had a question about your universal remote controls.

[me]: ok.

: ok, if a remote control is a universal one, it should be gray right?

[me]: umm, no. [wow...]

lady: oh, ok. well i have this remote that has numbers 1-4 in blue and then another 1-4 in gray and says rca at the bottom, is it universal?

[me]: i dont know, are those numbers particular functions or do you just have the numbers 1-9?

lady: it has the numbers 1-9, then the number 0 under them and a button that says enter. [so it's a regular fucking remote...]

[me]: no, it's not a universal remote.

lady: ok. well how much do you guys sell your universal remote controls for?

[me]: well the cheapest one is 7.99, and they go up to 99.

lady: what do you mean? [what do you not get about that??]

[me]: we have more than one, the price starts at 7.99, and we have one that's 99.

: oh, my. ok. i had another question: do you all sell those boxes that umm, you get the discount if you have the coupon that you need for the transition, like the converter kind? [i knew it, you're old.]

[me]: yes, we do.

: ok, how much are they?

[me]: 59.99, but if you have the coupon it's 20.

: wait, what?

[me]: ...20 dollars with the coupon.

lady: ok, say if you don't have the coupon... how much is it?

[me]: 59.99...

lady: oh ok, now do you give the coupon there?

[me]: no, you have to call the government to get it.

lady: do you know which part of the government i'd need to speak to?

[me]: there's a specific number you call... 1888.DTV.2009

lady: ok thank you, now i'm asking these things for a friend [no you are not, you're fucking retarded] and she wrote something out but it's spanish

-meanwhile, my boss is looking at me from across the room cause i've been on the phone for about 5 minutes already, and he's asking who's on the phone...-

[me]: *covering the phone* i think it's some old lady, she's just asking questions.

lady: are you there>

[me]: yes.

-she continues to talk, but my memory is foggy due to lack of interest, she was trying to figure out what something was that her "friend" wrote-

lady: it's a rf modulator, do you provide those?

[me]: yeah, they're 27.49.

lady: ok, so you have the rf modulator for 27.49, and the convertor boxes are 59.99 without the coupon and 19.99 with the coupon. then i have something here that says "7.99 to 99" [wooowwww this bitch is taking notes...], what was that about?

[me]: remote controls?

lady: oh yes. well thank you for yo....

-blah blah blah hang up.-


so, that was about the dumbest conversation i had to date. and to my luck i happened to stay about one minute after i clocked out to leave and i answered the phone again. guess who it was? i'm not going to script this one out but here's the jist of it:

she called to talk about the remotes again. and she described an old universal remote that she bought from k-mart a long time ago. it was long and gray, which i guess led her to believe that all universal remotes were long and gray. then she describes hers to be "5/6 the size of the old one" and asks "so what does that mean? is it the same remote?" wtf, rite?

then, she said she found the booklet for the remote, which said universal remote on it. again, she asked me: "so is it universal?" i replied "well if it says it is, then it is." afterwards she proceeds to read off her remote to me. every. single. button.

what. the. fuck.

back to our universal remotes; she wanted to know the difference between them. she didn't exactly understand why they're priced so differently, which is kind of understandable. i told her that we have 7 different remotes and that they all control different amounts of devices and there's one you can even hook to a computer. "ok, that's 2..." and i'm thinking to myself "what do you mean 'that's 2'?", not knowing she's expecting me to explain all 7 remotes separately. so i told her that those are the major differences and that i couldn't explain every single remote to her. her reply was : "you can't?" and i said "no." cause fuck that. then she finally thanks me and hangs up.

don't let me get old, please.

mood.

write, or eat breakfast? i think the choice i made is apparent. food can wait, besides i don't always get the motivation to actually sign on every time i visit my own page.

so, my mood has flipped completely upside-down. i guess it happened slowly, cuz it's a lot of little things that are annoying the shit out of me rite now.

i'm tired of driving around fucking everywhere doing hospital screenings for school and kaiser. i want to go to the kaiser down the street from my house and they can email that shit to hollywood, wtf.

ive been wasting this weekend. i've had opportunities to stay out late both thursday nite and last nite and they both weren't used to their potentials. i hope tonite won't follow that trend.

girls aren't exactly helping my mood either.

i think the thing that's bothering me the most is school. i'm taking 15 units, which is not that big of a deal. i do it all the time, but it seems like i have a bigger workload than normal. i don't feel like doing this rite now. i've been getting to comfortable and im not motivated at all at the moment. i feel like the people i have no respect for, that think its just fine to stay in the same place for the rest of their lives and never try to better themselves. i refuse to lower myself to that position, i just have to bitch-slap my brain until it understands that :/

[edit.] i suddenly feel better.

refurbished.

so the bridge has survived the fire. my mom brings home this cheap little prepaid, refurbished, phone that my dad apparently dropped off at my grandma's place. it's been sitting on my floor for about a week, still inside it's original liquor store bag, further secured into it's non-original, refurbished packaging. he also called the house today, so i expect another awkward [for him] conversation will soon come... anybody need a phone?

pepper.

pepper spray. after maybe 5 minutes of thought, i determined that pepper spray would be an excellent topic. i came up with two different things that could be up for discussion.

first, how does pepper spray taste? its extracted from peppers, so could it possibly double as a spice? i remember this episode of the critic [old cartoon about critic jay sherman] where this lady sprays jay, and he eats it. ok, i know that cartoons are extremely exaggerated, but still. here's some legit [in my opinion] logic: just because it burns your eyes does not mean it can't taste good; go rub some orange juice in your eye and tell me orange juice is not fuckin tasty. so, if i get my hands on some pepper spray, i'm gonna season my food and see what happens.

second, i went on wikipedia and searched pepper spray. i'm not sure how accurate the information is, but apparently pepper spray has been banned from war. i don't understand how you ban an item from war. i mean a nuclear weapon is more logical seeing as it'll fuck up the earth on a huge scale. but really, i'm at war with someone and i have pepper spray in my pocket, who's gonna enforce the no spray law. who the fuck are you to tell me not to use my pepper spray? what, is my enemy going to see my pepper spray and go "hey, that's against the rules! put that down, now!"?? no. and if he did, he would get sprayed.

blackberries.

have you ever took a flight somewhere, and near the end they say something like "we are now 50 miles from our destination. just in case we need to make an emergency landing, make sure you leave your bags on board." what the fuck? doesnt that make you expect something to happen? well we landed perfectly, and i'm just like, why mention the fact that something may go wrong when you know that nothing is gonna go wrong?? assholes.

so i got back last night, the trip was great. i love seattle. i love the clam chowder from that one grill. i love the seafood. i love the blackberries from the outdoor marketplace. the cold weather has me walking around los angeles and long beach without a jacket cuz i'm used to it being 30 degrees. i'd post pics but it seems like i took more pictures inside the hotel room than i did outside. let me kno if you have no idea what a hotel room looks like, however, and i will post some. we saw 1 cop, 4 fat people, and 11 mexicans. yes, we counted. it was fun yelling "homies over hoes!" and doin "the homie" with my friends in front of random white people. it was great playing king's cup and i never. and it was classic quoting 40-year-old virgin for pretty much two whole days. and if you're lost or thinking something perverted, "nigga, you gay." it's from boondocks; thuglicious.

mitch hedburg is great. that is all.

leaving.

i should definitely be sleeping now, but i'm eating a huge bowl of cereal instead, listening to a rotating ashanti's 'only you [instrumental]'. it's such a powerful beat, i wrote some lyrics to it a couple years ago, ill post it at the end. anyway, my point to this post: in roughly 6 hours, i will be waiting for my flight. i am leaving. only for a little while though, i wish i was leaving leaving. but that trip to seattle i spoke of begins in the morning. i'm not excited, but i am looking forward to it. a birthday present to myself. i have a feeling ill come back with some diet-related illness, if not a cold.

so, are you one of those people that are observant enough to know when you're friends are having problems? and more specifically do you easily pinpoint the source without them talking to you about it? if so, how do you like that characteristic about yourself? i don't know if i should be ecstatic about that ability or not. i mean, it sucks to sympathize for someone without them being able to know, you know? and it'd be weird for me to come out and start a conversation about their business with them when they haven't exactly opted to talk about it with you. this is where i resort to secretly cheering them up, hope it works.

ok, i sleep now. [yes, i meant for that to be grammatically incorrect.]

attitude.

so it's been more than two weeks since the new year started and i still haven't posted. but now that i think about it, i don't really care. it's not that big of a deal, you know? not like i ever know what to write about anyway. so, i didn't make any resolutions. i've stopped doing that years ago, at first because i never really tried to keep them, or cause i'd forget. now, it's because i think about it differently, if there's something that needs to change, why wait? why use the excuse of "it's a new year" to start doing new stuff? as we said every day in culinary school, "fuck it" and go.

i've been partying a lot in these past two weeks it seems. i'm sleepy as hell, but it does not stop yet. i have a big month ahead of me, or half a month, i guess. everybody's birthday is this month; mines is thursday. is it me, but are birthdays the hardest thing in the world to remember? i really only remember my mom's without any doubt. everybody else i end up asking for the date 50 times, or i somehow get reminded like 2 days before. i still don't know what i'm doing to celebrate my 20th, and i don't know what to do for anyone elses either. whatever.

seattle in two weeks! we ordered the tickets, it is going, down.

finally, i've set a match to the biggest bridge i've longed to burn. my dad calls me last night literally minutes before i was stepping out to go party. for some strange reason, he's mad that i didn't pick up the phone he bought me, that he said he was going to drop off. make any sense? no. so i explained that to him, and i guess he didn't hear me. i hear i have a problem speaking up, but i guess. so then he jumps into "what is your problem with me??" then i explain for the first time out of five time within a span of 10 minutes, that i don't have a problem with him, i don't hate him, i don't deny him as my father, and that it's simply because i've gotten used to him not being around and i'm in no way motivated to start a new relationship with him, i simply don't care. the thing that was different about this conversation, however, is that i was full on arguing with him. normally, i half listen, knowing what he's going to say. but this time i said "fuck it, he's going to listen to me." i think my attitude had something to do with me not being in my car. i mean i was supposed to be out partying, not arguing with a dumb fuck. sad part is that every time i said something, it was instantly translated into "i hate you, i've been holding animosity against you for years. wahhh wahh!!" so eventually i just gave up and resorted to amusing myself by pissing him off every chance i got. it was really the funniest conversation i've ever had after i realized his brain couldn't process a single thing i told him. who woulda thought an argument would amp me up to go party?