attitude.

so it's been more than two weeks since the new year started and i still haven't posted. but now that i think about it, i don't really care. it's not that big of a deal, you know? not like i ever know what to write about anyway. so, i didn't make any resolutions. i've stopped doing that years ago, at first because i never really tried to keep them, or cause i'd forget. now, it's because i think about it differently, if there's something that needs to change, why wait? why use the excuse of "it's a new year" to start doing new stuff? as we said every day in culinary school, "fuck it" and go.

i've been partying a lot in these past two weeks it seems. i'm sleepy as hell, but it does not stop yet. i have a big month ahead of me, or half a month, i guess. everybody's birthday is this month; mines is thursday. is it me, but are birthdays the hardest thing in the world to remember? i really only remember my mom's without any doubt. everybody else i end up asking for the date 50 times, or i somehow get reminded like 2 days before. i still don't know what i'm doing to celebrate my 20th, and i don't know what to do for anyone elses either. whatever.

seattle in two weeks! we ordered the tickets, it is going, down.

finally, i've set a match to the biggest bridge i've longed to burn. my dad calls me last night literally minutes before i was stepping out to go party. for some strange reason, he's mad that i didn't pick up the phone he bought me, that he said he was going to drop off. make any sense? no. so i explained that to him, and i guess he didn't hear me. i hear i have a problem speaking up, but i guess. so then he jumps into "what is your problem with me??" then i explain for the first time out of five time within a span of 10 minutes, that i don't have a problem with him, i don't hate him, i don't deny him as my father, and that it's simply because i've gotten used to him not being around and i'm in no way motivated to start a new relationship with him, i simply don't care. the thing that was different about this conversation, however, is that i was full on arguing with him. normally, i half listen, knowing what he's going to say. but this time i said "fuck it, he's going to listen to me." i think my attitude had something to do with me not being in my car. i mean i was supposed to be out partying, not arguing with a dumb fuck. sad part is that every time i said something, it was instantly translated into "i hate you, i've been holding animosity against you for years. wahhh wahh!!" so eventually i just gave up and resorted to amusing myself by pissing him off every chance i got. it was really the funniest conversation i've ever had after i realized his brain couldn't process a single thing i told him. who woulda thought an argument would amp me up to go party?