rewind.

a couple excerpts from my archives.. dating back to as far as 2004, not more recent than 2006. if this isn't reason enough to keep writing, i don't know what is..



...although my water's cut off and i bathe in my own tears
and the faucet handle's my one true love and i fear
i wont be cryin tears of joy no more cuz she might go mainstream
just like music...


...They said my thoughts aren't worth nothin so I'm runnin from nothing
People left and right look at me like I would never be something
look in my eyes, hear my heart and blood flowing
I know my creator went through the process of bestowing
within me the knowledge of a old one who spent time in concentration
or one who tried to flee waiting at a underground station...


...dont try to fuck wit me
ill currently make u part of history...


...try bein victim to a heart attack, not by cholesterol or shock
but maybe emotion, or the shells from the glock
flyin like birds in a flock
the desert eagle ridin city wings
travelin block to block
goin through plenty things
brushin past a shoulder of one waitin at a bus stop
right over the candy paint of a drop top
placin a scratch on a badge as it passes a cop
right into the heart of a child playin on the library's scenic rock...


...my thoughts compose nocturnes, words appropriate for the night
the way I feel in my place this world is too dark for sunlight
I wonder If I died and came back where would I be
see reflections from water that fell from the roof or through a diamond's gleam...


...I need ya touch and I need ya kisses
it's like my love is a chain, but you the link im missin
I admire ya eyes and lips, how they always glisten
If you eva had to repeat yaself, it's not that I didn't listen
I jus wanted to hear ya voice once more, once again
I bet only you can feel my heartbeat while you holdin my hand...


...every sabbath the sun rises to "God Love Us" by Nas
my gospel, a change from music that goes covered wit lies
I sit and wonder, who counted every scar Jesus recieved on his back
who made it manditory that there'd be eight or siteen bars on a track...


...the hypnotizin smile, most beautiful thing in the world
can make the most shallow grow roots deep into this world
her eyes ligt up the midnite sky, and no matter what they say, life will neva pass her by
cuz itll want a permanent look at her, not from a distance
if moon got glimpse, it'd stop revolvin in a instant...


...As he sits and thinks how he got into this mess
he goes back in time, not to when he started his protest
but back to when he was neglected and alone
when his parents fought while that lady was sittin in the bed of his home
with no words to explain how bad his world spins
he's slowly turning into the man full of hatred and sin
his thoughts bring him back to his time, one last place before he's claimed deceased
there's nothing left that he can do, but pray, under his jail sheets...


...like twisted weather I'm cold but I bring heat to a track
wit my name in ya mouth like I'm the wash that's fightin the plaque...


...didnt trip when she kept starin off to the
side of my pocket...


...rinse my face in flowing water, eyes red from sleep
possibly crying before my wake, dreams aren't reality
legit reason? will they ever be mirror imagery?
with whats before the barrier physically in front of me
told me I'd accomplish all if I tried
so could I capture her beauty, just to hold by my side...


i think i've embarassed myself enough.

eagle-eye.

It's literally special ed how sleepy i am! Last night was the longest night ever. Actually yesterday was the longest day ever, period. I woke up, went to work, put nothing but cookies, coffee, and water in my body til about 5pm. I actually had a good sales day yesterday, it was spooky good. Im gettin some starbucks cards!

So i was sposed to be off at 3, but i stayed 45 minutes later cuz my co-worker was having car issues. Wasn't bothered tho, got me another gift card chicka chicka yeaa! So i get home and play rock band for a lil, then my boss calls me and asks me to sub for my co-worker so she can take care of her car. So i go. I was kinda not happy cuz i was planning to meet up with the crew at 7 so we could hit this club, but nothin was goin down there so i got over it.

After work im trying to figure out how to pass the time before we meet up to just hit hollywood. I ended up hitting the park with all the asian people and worked on my "dirty rap." after i got the call, we met up and pushed out to hollywood, club element. We paid the little 15 for parking and got in line. We kinda stood there for an hour before we got to the front only to find out it was 21 and over... Fuck me, rite? We didnt think anything of it cuz we've been there before and it was no problem, but we literally wasted a hour of our lives. Like, i still want that hour back. What's even more messed up is that when we were standing off to side all entry-denied, the lady came out of her to walk up to us to say "you guys aren't 21." ok... i know that... asshole. We tried to see what's up with this other one called level 3, but the guy that worked there couldn't even answer us when we asked how it was. You know there's a problem when the people that work at a club don't hype it up to take our money. So then it was off to ihop.

It's about 2am at the carson ihop where we always go to eat after anything. we're just like, didn't spend our money at the club, so might as well spend it here, rite? i have no idea how much time we spent there but we were hella drained and were planning on going home and knocking out. so here we are at the register about to pay for our food, and the lady tells us these girls left a number for us with her to give us after they left the parking lot... wtf? so it's like oook... but we called when we got to the car. fuck it. next stop: csulb??

so they were bored, and we were tired, but bored. so we go out to csulb to chill for a bit. on a sidenote, i got my car filled up on 20 bucks, hell yes. so after like 10 minutes of blind driving, we get to the campus. i give em a call to see where we're sposed to park, and we're getting directed around eagle-eye status, i mean cuz i don't know where they saw us from. we ended up chillin there for about an hour... like 4.. to like 5 almost 6. so on the way back to the car, there's this guy sitting at a stop sign, smoke coming from the car. it really looks like he hit an invisible wall, front hood warped up. and his car was crying. everytime he tried to start it thats what it sounded like. so we go to see if he's ok, and he says he was in a hit and run with some drunk drivers. we help him push the car into the parking lot and we're asking him questions about what happened. i think that motherfucker was drunk, and he ran into something. how else is your front hood gonna be dented? if you get hit by somebody the way he was describing [they just came around the corner], you would get hit on the side. if it was a head on collision, i'm pretty positivo that the other car would be crying like a little bitch too.

sooo yeah, long night :/

i'm tired.

and you can definately tell where i switched from phone to computer with the sudden absence of capitalization.

idiocy.

wow, just got home from church. it was interesting, very, interesting. to me and probably only me at least. we had a little assignment: pick your favorite story out of the old testament of the bible to share with everyone. easy enough right? pick a story, and we're discuss it. so i was in between the story of the cities of sodom and gomorrah and the one where king david sees this married chick he likes and obtains by send her husband to fight on the front lines by himself in a war. in all my idiocy, i pick sodom and gomorrah thinking it would be the best choice. so i share the story that i picked, right? and since i have a king james old fashion-speak version of the bible, i failed to translate the part where the guys in the cities want the guys in the house to come out so they can "know them" into the part where the guys in the cities want the guys in the house to come out so they can "have sex with them." ok, so what i learned from the story before all this had nothing to do with them having sexy times en mass. but to put it short, the story i chose sparked a whole debate session on everything from sexual preference to obama to the black people's struggle. and you know how i feel about debates, so you can assume i was quiet the rest of the nite. even though everybody had intelligent stuff to say, and not for this statement to be taken the wrong way: it took like an hour for somebody to actually come to a point.

you how normally during debates people tend to express their views over and over? i think it's because of that they never end. we tend to express our opinions but we fail to connect them to a certain point, thus resulting in endless amounts of time trying to get each other to understand what we're saying. it's like "i understand what you're saying because you said it 50 times, but please relate how you feel to the topic, a topic, any topic because apparently i'm not getting your point if you have to repeat yourself 50+ times." maybe we can find a common ground or take the conversation a step further. maybe i should go be a free spirit. i'll go build a treehouse in the woods and i'll never have to talk about, or listen to, anything serious again.

i just love how i managed to spark up the thing i pretty much hate most. wtf.

oysters.

hopefully its back to the studio today. i've been slacking on my writing for months already, maybe years, i dont kno. i picked up this one song from my bro that i recorded back in 2005. and you know when you look at anything you've done a year ago or more and you automatically go "gotdamn this sucks!" i did that. my delivery was garbage. so garbage that i have dedicated myself to writing the entire song over. you know that song 'paparazzi' by xzibit? yeaaa. so hopefully that goes down today.

i thought id be tired when i woke up. i was out from 3pm to 1am yesterday/last night on what you could probably relate to a long fart, sex, and gay joke. i met up with a few people from culinary school and it was pretty much like we never graduated. i really miss school now, at least that one. but god forbid anybody was actually listening to any of our conversations in the chinese buffet. i did not know oysters were so gotdamn huge! and why do their deserts always suck? it's always cookies and unripe fruit. i had the worst strawberries ever. they were freaking savory! i kno that sounds tasty but if you think so then you're crazy. food is either sweet or savory. so which one do you think a strawberry supposed to be?? fuck.

all my sympathy and regards to the people dealing with the fires yesterday but... the air smelled like barbecue! :D

lol.

i find it funny that there are multiple variations of "lol."

the latest one i've been seeing around: "el oh el". i mean i could've sworn the purpose was to abbreviate. who actually decided to put work back into expressing laughter?

and i think the funniest because of its retardedness: "lololol..." ok so it was really funny. but sometimes when i read it i'm like "laughing out loud out loud out loud out loud out.. loud? huh?"

sorry, i'm just bitter i can't comprehend how i'm sposed to finish this gotdamn homework assignment.

inaugaration.

had to bust a quikie real quik. i just got the most random phone call. i missed it, and in turn got the most random voicemail. my auntie wanted to know if i'd be interested in going to dc in janurary to see the inaugaration ceremony. so at first i was thinking how random, i didn't even vote. then i was thinking, well i've never been to dc so it'd be pretty cool. then i was thinking, oh shit! dc... [you better catch what i'm getting at]. so, i think i'm down. hmm i'm probably going to have to pretend like i voted now :/

did i spell inaugaration rite?? such an awkward word.

temptations

its not weird for me to just log on and start typing is it? because i have no idea what i want to write about. hmmm... so yesterday. pretty fun about halfway through the day. i decided to go catch this foreign film in pasadena later on, so i was pretty excited about that. work was boring as usual, but it's worse because corporate office is running around looking at stores so they have to be in perfect shape, meaning we have to put it in perfect shape. weak. i thought i'd end up staying til like 3 or later, but i finished what i needed to do pretty early and i was out by 1. i also had a pretty good attitude at work for once. not that i have really a bad attitude half the time, but more of a i don't really care. you when people like to talk to you about random things and you don't care? that attitude. i just didn't feel like being an ass.

so i got home and decide to rock a fro to pasadena. normally i wear my hair like a just woke up, hopped in the shower, and rapidly massaged my scalp. i don't know if that provides a good visual or not, but that's pretty much what i do anyway. nobody actually realizes how long my hair actually is though. when i comb it, it curls up and shrinks so it looks like it's maybe an inch long. it's about 4 inches long, and blow-drying it shows. it was funny how after i finished, i put on my glasses and realized how much i look like the black singer from rock band. then i got a lil dissappointed because i could've did that for halloween and it would've been great because i know hardly anybody would even think of it. then i got over it and started playing rock band. i swear that game is just like working out. i don't know if i said it before, but playing the drums for a while gets hard. but every time i try it again like a few days or a week later, i'm automatically better at it. try it. hmmm, now i'm looking at the mic on my tv tray, it's closer than i remember putting it. now im tempted.

so you have to go see the movie 'let the right one in,' best vampire movie ever. it's not even in english but that makes it better somehow. that's what i saw last night, and i've been waiting patiently for weeks to see it. it's only playing in two theatres in the los angeles area, and it can leave any time, so i finally took the initiative. it's not a scary movie really, more creepy/disturbing, which in my book is a little more realistic and/or scary. other than that it was pretty funny, but i think i laughed at all the parts i shouldn't have because everybody else was quiet. that's what i get for being black lol. speaking of black people, while me and my bro were walking to the theatre, some random guy just starts walking with us and decides to have an ignorant obama conversation with us. what he doesn't know, however, is that we're assholes.

'so we're in the whitehouse now.'
-'no, he is.'

'well, i voted for him'
-'i wanted hillary to win in the first place.'
-'i voted for mccain.'

'they should paint the whitehouse black.'
-'why? that's not a pretty color at all. maybe if it was like white and blue i'd like it but not black.'
-'if they painted it black, somebody might crash into it at night, not a good idea.'

after a couple blocks, we were saved by some random car who called out to him, i guess they knew each other, but he was distracted long enough for us to cross the street and keep moving. vets be crazy man.

eye.

halfway through the weekend but i'm pretty satisfied. let's say my weekend started early. no school on thursday, and normally there's nothin much to do when you don't have school. but my sister had informed me of this common concert going on at usc, sooooo guess where i was.

that whole day took forever. i had work, 4 hours seemed like 12. i went to best buy, since they're too busy to answer the phone, to check if they had the phone i've been waiting for ever-so-patiently. of course they didn't, so that was a little dissappointing. i ended up buying final fantasy tactics a2 for ds, i can't play pokemon forever. i mean i can but after a while there's not much left to do, i already have all the eevees. i got home and sprint called me saying the phone i want just came out so they let me order it. soooo i shall have the sickest phone ever within the next few days. so around 6.30 i left the house to pick up my sister for the show and head out to usc. we meet up with naomi and her friend, and i convinced chola to come despite her beliefs that she wouldn't make it on time. common's performance was great. it was only the second concert i've been too, but i loved it. i didn't recognize the song he opened with, but he followed it up with 'go' and got the crowd going crazy. i was suprised he did 'come close to me', that's my favorite song that he's made next to 'the corner', which he did later. he also did a couple songs off his upcoming album: 'the eye' [edit:'punch drunk love'] [if anybody actually has this song please tell me where i can get it. i need it, or at least the beat, i reaaaally wanna write to it], and 'universal mind control' [he had pretty much his whole band pop locking during the song]. did anybody know this guy could break though? i didn't know, but i got it on camera, i'll up the clip sometime. after about a hour and a half of performing, he closed it out with a couple freestyles, and now i'm jealous because i want to know how to freestyle.

halloween was pretty wack. nobody was really trick-or-treating. but me, my bro, and my other sister got a room in gardena to chill for the night. i find it weird when i got there and out of my car, i heard 'freak-a-leak' coming from a church across the street, followed by kirk franklin. i know right? so we went to get supplies from albertsons, and we had to take my sisters kids with us. i asked my bestest this question, and now i ask you: what would you think if you saw two young adults, they look no older than 20 really, with a infant and and 5-year-old holding the guy's hand, standing in the alcohol section picking out drinks? cuz that's what just happened. and we're the only ones that know we're not that kinda family, and that i have no kids, so i felt akward as hell. so after we get back, we get into 'intelligent' conversations about things. we started talking about prop 8, my siblings both support it, but because of a religious stand-point. i should be supporting it because of my religion also, but my mind decided to factor in everything else as well. the way i see it is that i want everyone to have a chance to be happy; maybe it works out, most likely not, but that's common for any marraige. it just sucks that for me wanting people to be happy i have to go against my religion by actually saying that. as far as teaching about gay marraige in schools, my siblings said that they would teaching kids this stuff at their most malleable point in life. this is definately true, but i think the reason we cringe at the idea is because we think of it as 1) worst case scenario: teachers focusing on gay marraige more than traditional marraige and 2) it's not traditional, it's not what we're used to, it's not what we were taught, and it's true to say that we do not adapt well with change. do you really think teachers are going to go out of their way to try to influence your kids to marry their own sex. they're not going to make it a mission to turn these kids out. i'm thinking that they'll tell them it's an option and leave it at that, just because it's a law. and i think if people fear a law like that, they need to re-evaluate their own parental skills. as the strongest role models in their own kids lives, i would think they have the most influence towards their child's preferences. in the end, i'm not going to vote either way. it's basically coming down to this: follow the religion they taught me, or keep my belief that one should find love where they find it.

ok, i don't want to talk about politics anymore. like really. so you know how everyone has their drunk habits? i think mine is waking up really early in full energy. there's those times where everyone is syncronized an we all just wake up at the same time and start talking. then there's those times where only i wake up, and everyone else is still knocked. when that happens i tend to flee from battle and go driving, which was no different this morning. i think i was woken up like 10 times within 30 minutes by my bro's phone. the whole time i'm thinking 'got damn somebody really wants to talk to him, they needa calm down it is 7am'. i did realize how annoying the at&t ringtone is after hearing it in heavy rotation. now i sit hear with absolutely nothing to do, my ds is charging, i'm done blogging. no work today, i wanna go see this vampire movie, but i don't know who to go with or what time i should go. it's only playing in west hollywood and pasadena and i don't particularly feel like driving all the way out there just for the movie cuz i have no problem going alone. maybe i'll muster up the will power to green-blue-red-gold line it there.