refurbished.

so the bridge has survived the fire. my mom brings home this cheap little prepaid, refurbished, phone that my dad apparently dropped off at my grandma's place. it's been sitting on my floor for about a week, still inside it's original liquor store bag, further secured into it's non-original, refurbished packaging. he also called the house today, so i expect another awkward [for him] conversation will soon come... anybody need a phone?

pepper.

pepper spray. after maybe 5 minutes of thought, i determined that pepper spray would be an excellent topic. i came up with two different things that could be up for discussion.

first, how does pepper spray taste? its extracted from peppers, so could it possibly double as a spice? i remember this episode of the critic [old cartoon about critic jay sherman] where this lady sprays jay, and he eats it. ok, i know that cartoons are extremely exaggerated, but still. here's some legit [in my opinion] logic: just because it burns your eyes does not mean it can't taste good; go rub some orange juice in your eye and tell me orange juice is not fuckin tasty. so, if i get my hands on some pepper spray, i'm gonna season my food and see what happens.

second, i went on wikipedia and searched pepper spray. i'm not sure how accurate the information is, but apparently pepper spray has been banned from war. i don't understand how you ban an item from war. i mean a nuclear weapon is more logical seeing as it'll fuck up the earth on a huge scale. but really, i'm at war with someone and i have pepper spray in my pocket, who's gonna enforce the no spray law. who the fuck are you to tell me not to use my pepper spray? what, is my enemy going to see my pepper spray and go "hey, that's against the rules! put that down, now!"?? no. and if he did, he would get sprayed.

blackberries.

have you ever took a flight somewhere, and near the end they say something like "we are now 50 miles from our destination. just in case we need to make an emergency landing, make sure you leave your bags on board." what the fuck? doesnt that make you expect something to happen? well we landed perfectly, and i'm just like, why mention the fact that something may go wrong when you know that nothing is gonna go wrong?? assholes.

so i got back last night, the trip was great. i love seattle. i love the clam chowder from that one grill. i love the seafood. i love the blackberries from the outdoor marketplace. the cold weather has me walking around los angeles and long beach without a jacket cuz i'm used to it being 30 degrees. i'd post pics but it seems like i took more pictures inside the hotel room than i did outside. let me kno if you have no idea what a hotel room looks like, however, and i will post some. we saw 1 cop, 4 fat people, and 11 mexicans. yes, we counted. it was fun yelling "homies over hoes!" and doin "the homie" with my friends in front of random white people. it was great playing king's cup and i never. and it was classic quoting 40-year-old virgin for pretty much two whole days. and if you're lost or thinking something perverted, "nigga, you gay." it's from boondocks; thuglicious.

mitch hedburg is great. that is all.

leaving.

i should definitely be sleeping now, but i'm eating a huge bowl of cereal instead, listening to a rotating ashanti's 'only you [instrumental]'. it's such a powerful beat, i wrote some lyrics to it a couple years ago, ill post it at the end. anyway, my point to this post: in roughly 6 hours, i will be waiting for my flight. i am leaving. only for a little while though, i wish i was leaving leaving. but that trip to seattle i spoke of begins in the morning. i'm not excited, but i am looking forward to it. a birthday present to myself. i have a feeling ill come back with some diet-related illness, if not a cold.

so, are you one of those people that are observant enough to know when you're friends are having problems? and more specifically do you easily pinpoint the source without them talking to you about it? if so, how do you like that characteristic about yourself? i don't know if i should be ecstatic about that ability or not. i mean, it sucks to sympathize for someone without them being able to know, you know? and it'd be weird for me to come out and start a conversation about their business with them when they haven't exactly opted to talk about it with you. this is where i resort to secretly cheering them up, hope it works.

ok, i sleep now. [yes, i meant for that to be grammatically incorrect.]

attitude.

so it's been more than two weeks since the new year started and i still haven't posted. but now that i think about it, i don't really care. it's not that big of a deal, you know? not like i ever know what to write about anyway. so, i didn't make any resolutions. i've stopped doing that years ago, at first because i never really tried to keep them, or cause i'd forget. now, it's because i think about it differently, if there's something that needs to change, why wait? why use the excuse of "it's a new year" to start doing new stuff? as we said every day in culinary school, "fuck it" and go.

i've been partying a lot in these past two weeks it seems. i'm sleepy as hell, but it does not stop yet. i have a big month ahead of me, or half a month, i guess. everybody's birthday is this month; mines is thursday. is it me, but are birthdays the hardest thing in the world to remember? i really only remember my mom's without any doubt. everybody else i end up asking for the date 50 times, or i somehow get reminded like 2 days before. i still don't know what i'm doing to celebrate my 20th, and i don't know what to do for anyone elses either. whatever.

seattle in two weeks! we ordered the tickets, it is going, down.

finally, i've set a match to the biggest bridge i've longed to burn. my dad calls me last night literally minutes before i was stepping out to go party. for some strange reason, he's mad that i didn't pick up the phone he bought me, that he said he was going to drop off. make any sense? no. so i explained that to him, and i guess he didn't hear me. i hear i have a problem speaking up, but i guess. so then he jumps into "what is your problem with me??" then i explain for the first time out of five time within a span of 10 minutes, that i don't have a problem with him, i don't hate him, i don't deny him as my father, and that it's simply because i've gotten used to him not being around and i'm in no way motivated to start a new relationship with him, i simply don't care. the thing that was different about this conversation, however, is that i was full on arguing with him. normally, i half listen, knowing what he's going to say. but this time i said "fuck it, he's going to listen to me." i think my attitude had something to do with me not being in my car. i mean i was supposed to be out partying, not arguing with a dumb fuck. sad part is that every time i said something, it was instantly translated into "i hate you, i've been holding animosity against you for years. wahhh wahh!!" so eventually i just gave up and resorted to amusing myself by pissing him off every chance i got. it was really the funniest conversation i've ever had after i realized his brain couldn't process a single thing i told him. who woulda thought an argument would amp me up to go party?