calories.

let's see.

i don't know what's happening. it feels like time has been moving faster than it should. i haven't posted in 9 days, and it feels more like it's been 2 or 3 weeks. it's the third day of the week and i feel like it's already over. i think i know where this feeling comes from. the only thing is that i have two different possibilities. first, i'm tired. second, i've been thinking too much into the distant future about little things: due dates, work schedule, money. i'm liking that 'live today like it's your last' idea, but the line is very thin, making it difficult to distinguish wreckless from carefree. of course, i hold more indifference than the average bear, but it doesn't hold the same joys as being carefree. i'm not happy. at the same time, i'm not sad, angry, dissappointed. i'm bored.

looking into the distant future, however, i see good things coming. after this week my homework load won't be so overwhelming. i mean even though it's not a lot of work, i went for a year with no homework in culinary school, so it takes adjusting. i should also be getting my scholarship check from my church within the next week or two, which will reimburse the 400+ dollars i spent on this semester at school.

school is weird. i have no friends, i'm just gonna throw that out there immediately. i've always went to new schools and classes with the mentality that i'm not here to meet people, but i'm here to just do class and leave. normally i start out ok, then i end up befriending classmates or maybe even seeing someone i've already known. this situation is actually different. once again, i'm pretty much the only person my age, so even if i conversate with some classmates from time to time, i doubt i'll ever actually befriend them. normally black people end up grouping together, but i doubt i'm going to do that. there's this one chick as a matter of fact who comments on every single thing somebody says trying to make a joke or just to be an asshole. i don't know if she's trying to be funny or what, but it's gotten old and she's just coming off as ignorant. whatever. i miss culinary school. i miss highschool. people my age i could relate to and have fun with. how do i end up having to go through this?

i figured out, actually i confirmed, why i've been the same weight for the past 2 years. i'm not eating enough. i thought i ate a lot. i should keep tracking my diet to really make sure this is the case, but that's what i noticed. it's not like i'm missing just a little bit of calories, i'm missing like 40% of what i actually need. man.

i'm done with this post. i really didn't want to write rite now anyway, but i figured i'd never get around to it otherwise :/

actually, one more thing: metro station. it's funny what music i listen to sometimes. i really like this group tho, it's like pop/electro-ish, just check out kelsey and shake it.

excuses.

just a quik rhyme.

i am the palm that reached out for your guidance
my inarticulate speech only gets me denied
its just the simple fact that i tried once
that gets me by on this hunch
i can get high on my blunts
it's all i could ever want
cuz as a child i was really a liar
i never wanted to be a doctor, teach, or fight fires
just wanna blame my boss for bein racist every time i get fired
never finish school for there's no goal to which i aspire
let the government that doesn't support me, support me
turn that attitude towards my child that absolutely abhors me
and blame it on my father who was never there for me
for i have no control over a fate set before me...

i'm probably an asshole for tagging this under 'black people' (not to generalize cuz i surely don't mean all)... but sheesh tell me i'm wrong.

voodoo.

downtime.

i kept up with my internet course. i played mariokart wii. i do not like taking internet courses. they're easy and yeah you don't have to go anywhere. but you tend to forget about them if you're me. good thing nothing was due until wednesday, but at least i kno i have a test thursday. i wonder how easy it will be to cheat. or will it be timed so i don't have enough time to look up answers. i'm not saying i'm set on cheating, but it sounds like a take-home test. well i am taking it at home i guess..

so ever since my first stencil i've been doing more and more. every day this weekend i made a new one. friday i made a paper plane for our logo. saturday i drew my glasses with a bullet hole through a lens, when the shirt is out of the dryer i'll take a pic and post it. it's nice. sunday i challenged my limits. i have this jack sparrow keychain thats made out of cheap cloth and yarn, kinda looks like a voodoo doll. i drew it out and turned it into a stencil. mind you it took me more than a hour to cut every shape out, but it was well worth it. i sprayed it white onto a vintage black thermal sweater. that pic will be posted at the end. this got me thinking, i love stenciling. this is like my anti-drug, or my new drug. it's funny how i started with art when i was a little kid, went to an art highschool, etc. i did not want to be an artist however. i went to culinary school, that's an art, but it's different from what i didn't want to be. now that i picked up stenciling and fashion, however, i'm realizing that this is just one of my things. i don't think there's gonna be any running from it.