we travel the seas with fractured masts...

guten tag.

2010-07-04T21:23:00.001-07:00

so i was going to do the 30-day letter challenge. but then i got rosetta stone instead. much better investment of time. i'm gonna learn german! then use it to say what i want, whenever i feel like it. that's what i told my mom at least. i'm really doing it so i can learn something new. i should re-sharpen my spanish skills because i't actually be useful in california, but fuck that. i like spanish but i'd rather learn something different, and i have a handful of friends that know so i can still use it every day if i need and/or want to.

black cat?

2010-06-24T22:35:00.000-07:00

did you see what just happened?!

20 days.

20 days without a word.

it's so hard to escape.

well, my mood is acting like a little bitch again and won't stay constant. i've been starting the days off cheerful, which is good. however, halfway through work i start to not care. granted it makes me get everything done faster somehow, but it's weird. i know i never care about anything but i don't know how to describe a deeper feeling of nothing. like if you watch the first season of dexter, and apply everything he says about his personality to my own (minus the urge to kill... but not minus the destructive nature), it's getting that much closer to being spot on. i think i'm just slowly realizing it's not the best way to live i guess. i dread being at home. i really want to move out, and i've even started putting larger payments towards my car. once that debt is eliminated, i'm gone. it's not even about being independent or grown. it's so that i have a better hiding place. it's getting harder and harder to fake emotions and i'm starting to question whether i have any emotional ties with the people that i know i should. it's not that i fake relationships, but that i sometimes spare feelings to avoid letting people know how i feel as means of being polite. my mother knows i'm kind of introverted but even though i've tried to explain it to her countless times, i'm much more introverted than your normal introvert. i don't know how it must feel for someone to have one of their closest loved ones refuse to show anything. i'm sure it hurts, and it's fucked up. i need a new hiding place. i need to construct and maintain my bonds from a distance i guess. typing this out is actually very confusing; i'm not sure if i'm making my point clear or if i'm coming off too harsh or what. oh well.

on to the brighter side:

summer has started, it's relaxing not having to wake up at 5am for school. i have more summer plans than usual, which is actually just two trips. normally i just go with the flow and just end up going to the beach and partying. i went to vegas for my friend's 21st birthday. i had surprisingly good luck my first time playing craps (maybe because i'm black?), met amazing people, and invented the greatest drink in the WORLD!!! i refuse to be humble about that. next month i'm going to dc to see a paramore and tegan & sara show with one of my two east coast bff's. i want my other bff to bring her ass to la soon so we can be evil together. i'm also hoping the crew gets the ok to run this party next week. we throw amazing parties, btw. i just can't wait to bartend an event. i might take a second job just for fun once school starts again. i want to enjoy my summer nights before i give them up again.

i almost destroyed myself last week. i've been able to practice parkour on saturdays again, and i've been determined to make progress with my skills. so far so good. last week was pretty interesting though. i don't know how to explain the story without parkour terms, which you're probably unfamiliar with, but oh well, google them. i tried to tic-tac and land in a crane from a ledge to the top of a shed, and my foot slipped. somehow i caught myself before i fell although i cut my knee. normally bailing is discouraging but i tried again until i got it. there was another move that is fairly simple but for some reason i can't do it. one of our group members did a tic-tac from a wall to a reverse vault over the railing to a set of stairs. when i used to try that before i was always hesitant, but that day this guy brought some energy bars that he's been promoting and i had eaten one earlier. i don't know what the fuck was in that thing, but i was hyper and strung the fuck out so i was trying shit full-speed/confidence. end result? i tried multiple times. the only attempts worth noting were the ones in which i almost cracked my head open. once again, er.. twice again, i caught myself right before my head made contact with either the ground or the staircase railing. i must say though, i'm really impressed by my reflexes. i find it funny that at the end of the day, one of the younger kids said i'm just like a cat: i climb random things and then lay on them quite lazily. he had a point, add that to my reflexes and it makes a lot of sense.

oh, fuck 40 hour work weeks. i don't know how you people work full time.

i heart binging.

2010-06-04T23:30:00.000-07:00

today i:

I- had the longest hangover in the history of my life.
II- realized that i binge on being an artist.
III- am bs'ing this post.

I- we played mixed drink pong last night. i went through 4 tall cups of rum+catctus cooler, rum+lemon smirnoff+cactus cooler, and lemon smirnoff+diet sunkist+pineapple juice. yes, we ran out of cactus cooler so i fabricated it with diet sunkist and pineapple juice. it was successful because i am awesome. so i forgot i started typing this post and went m.i.a. for a good 20-30 minutes [refer to item III]. although i could've just avoided revealing that and you wouldn't suspect a thing. anyway, after mixed drink pong we just started taking shots of smirnoff back to back to back to back. i think it was four times.. i had work from 10.30am-7pm. awesome, huh? i had a slightly different hangover than normal: no headache, but my stomach bailed on me. oh, i also woke up still buzzed. i've come to the conclusion that i hate my hangovers. i'd rather deal with the headache [and i don't even take aspirin, gotta man up and be a naturalist!] than not be able to eat all day. imagine working in a kitchen with no bars on how much you could eat for 8.5 hours with a stomach that rejects EVERYTHING you send it. fuck. and it lasted the entire 8.5 hours, and some. fuck!

II- i started making stencils again. i'm probably gonna stop by next week. i've maintained and abandoned this blog, what three times already? i'm probably gonna do it again. i did pokemon papercrafts in back in the winter. i have an eevee wearing the top of jolteon's head like a hat. the rest of jolteon's body is unglued, unfolded, and uncut. i'm probably not gonna start it again. this is how i found out every time i do something artistic, i'll focus a lot of attention on it, almost obsessively, for a period of time then completely drop it for a longer period of time.

III- ok, i think i lied. the plan was to make an extremely short post just for the sake of posting, but now it has all these paragraphs and shit. damn my need to be organized. goodnight.

evil laugh

2010-05-31T19:52:00.000-07:00

i don't know where to begin, i'm too excited for this.

ok, so yesterday i was talking to my new favorite person in the world, krystal, about how some guy tried to hit her up on facebook chat trying to get to know her. i told her she should have went with it and creeped him out by saying she's into really weird shit, which i find more fun than just ignoring/deleting the loser. so today i had an 8 hour shift at work. and i'm sure 90% of people who work holidays know it's how slow and boring they can be, so i brought my ipod and nintendo dsi to keep me company. so in the middle of serving lunch, krystal texts me "some guy just gave me his number via fb wanna creep him out?" i'm like "fuck yes!" she sends me the number and i proceed to text this random guy pretending to be krystal (no homo?). i have to say i was quite entertained for the next three hours. here's the convo:

Me (1:12 PM): Umm. hi
Stranger (1:13 PM): Umm hi ? Lol who is this ?
Me (1:15 PM): You tell me. Who'd you just give your number to?

*trap set*

Stranger (1:15 PM): Lol. Meghan ?

gotcha bitch!!

Me (1:19 PM): Meghan huh? Nope. Typical guy i see
Stranger (1:22 PM): No. I just seen my friend Meghan and gave her my number. Haven't seen her in years. I'm sorry Krystal !!!
Me (1:25 PM): Hm. Right..
Stranger (1:26 PM): I swear. Jeez. Don't beat me up. Lol. You don't think I enjoyed our conversation last night. I just honestly didn't think you would text me. I'm glad tho.
Stranger (1:26 PM): It was weird bc I literally just gave her my number like ten minutes before you texted me. Lol. That's y I instantly thought it was her. How is your day going ?
Me (1:30 PM): Boring. I'm at work.
Stranger (1:31 PM): Awe. Well I hope you have a great time at work. When do you leave?
Me (1:33 PM): Couple hours
Stranger (1:34 PM): Ooo. Well, you know I actually thought about u a few times today. Lol. Kinda weird considering we just met. ;-)

ewww...

Me (1:36 PM): Ya, quite weird.
Stranger (1:37 PM): Lol I guess I am standing alone on that one. Lol.
Me (1:38 PM): Yeah, considering we don't know each other
Stranger (1:38 PM): Lol. Well that's alll up to you to change that.

this is the first instance where i just stopped responding.

Stranger (2:09 PM): Well I guess only if you want to.
Me (2:15 PM): Why did you send the same message twice?
Stranger (2:15 PM): Huh? I didn't? U did before tho.
Me (2:16 PM): Ok..

second instance where i was gonna stop responding, but he sends a picture message showing the text message thread where my phone had sent a duplicate message. which was a technical issue, but he ignores the fact that he sent two closely related messages just reeking of despera-eagerness(?)

Stranger (2:16 PM): Lol.
Stranger (2:28 PM): Sooo u let me know if you wanna get to know me better. Because I'm def down for getting to know you.

third time he asks. -__-

Me (2:30 PM): I'll pass.
Stranger (2:30 PM): Wow.
Stranger (2:31 PM): Is it something I did ?
Me (2:34 PM): No. Just don't find you that interesting that's all
Stranger (2:35 PM): Wow. That's kind of shallow considering you didn't even give me a chance. But hey if that's how you feel than ok. I'm plenty interesting though.
Me (2:42 PM): ok.

you know how you have a serious text conversation with someone and you send a whole meaningful paragraph and they just reply "ok."? pisses you the fuck off, right? so that's what i went for. then my coworker tells me i should've just wrote "k." i agree, that one letter would've made it so much better.

Stranger (2:43 PM): Ok. And if I wasn't so interesting then why did u text me ?
Me (2:46 PM): boredom?
Stranger (2:46 PM): Are you seriously this way ?
Me (2:48 PM): what way?
Stranger (2:49 PM): You don't think that what your saying is at all shallow ?
Me (2:51 PM): oh i do.
Stranger (2:51 PM): So why if I was nothing but nice to you ?

i didn't know exactly what to write back considering he now sounds like he's about to cry.. it is currently 8:16pm and i know what i could've said. i was thinking one of these two options:

logical response:
"well saying something like 'sooo u let me know if u wanna get to know me' was a rather bold choice of words to tell a complete stranger, like i'm supposed to automatically want to cause you said it.

realistic response (which would have been the only part of the convo that wouldn't be a lie):
"because i feed on negative emotions =)"

so after the third time ignoring him, he doesn't try to reinitiate the conversation. as funny as it was, it felt odd having that conversation with him really convinced i'm a girl from new york. i mean, my area code is 323, how do you not question that? and i'm sure my dialect was different than the "conversation [we had] last night". fucking idiot. so anyway, i'm now convinced that i am evil. best 2.5 hours ever. can't believe i got paid double-time and a half to fuck with people. *evil laugh*

language barriers.

2010-05-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

i quit my job at radioshack on new year's eve. didn't want to drag that filthy company into the new year. only kidding. that company is filthy but i'm kidding about dragging it into the new year because i still hold no value to the "new year" because i feel if there's a change to be made, then it should be made when it's called for, not because of a new year. that's lazy and some bullshit. so now i'm solely working at kaiser, and i just transfered to work at the mental health center. so what i lack in radioshack stories i'll make up for in crazy people stories. i don't have any crazy people stories yet, so i'm just going to write about how the language barriers between coworkers have been annoying the shit out of me recently. =)

so a hospital's faculty has to take the cake in diversity; it's almost like they go scouting in other countries for employees. i mean everyone speaks enough english to get their job done, which i have no problem with. the accents i have no problem with because i can understand everyone for the most part when i'm spoken to. here's my thing: anytime i'm engaging in a conversation, and there's comes a point where i say something in contrast to their statement, based on my opinion, and they repeat the last thing they said without missing a beat. wtf, right?? they repeat themselves in a way that seems like they're convinced that i just agreed with them. in my head i'm screaming "no, you fucking idiot! i heard what you said, now stop fucking acting like i didn't say something!" it's like telling a wall to move out of my path. and unless i'm reading the look on their faces completely wrong, it's because they just don't understand what i'm talking about. i mean it's either that or they're all egotistical dicks that can't stand to have someone disagree with them, which is rather unlikely don't you think? i don't have this problem with people often, besides from one of my coworkers. it really irks me though. my solution? i've resorted to just blatantly agreeing to everything anyone says. i could care less about about their opinions or sharing my own. besides, i'm not the type to engage in pointless conversations with people who mean nothing to me anyway. which brings me to question why i bothered in the first place... *kanye shrug*

awkward wave

2010-05-29T20:43:00.000-07:00

so, i haven't posted in about a year. or 11 months, whatever. i defected to twitter for a while. twitter is cool if you follow the right people. it took me a while to figure out after realizing my timeline was once an internet version of BET. recently i've been thinking of bigger ideas that i should write down, ones that can't all be compressed into 140-character statements. that made me decide to start blogging again. so when i was about to start a whole new blog, i looked at the old one and i thought to myself: i was gonna use that url.. fuck it i'll just pick up where i left off. so now i will use this blog for bigger topics, and twitter for short bursts of my thought process.

relapse.

2009-06-25T00:36:00.000-07:00

im trying to get back into writing poetry again, even if just a little bit. that and it slows my transition into a completely unsensitive/vulcanish asshole :)

im lost in a stare and im tryin not to blink again
while the beams brush the surface of the skin
i love your shine under the starlight, others call it the sun
that's why im waitin for the clouds to run
for those rays to dash, amplify the colors in between those lashes
love it when they're framed in glasses
everytime you glance i feel a rush
cuz trust, i cannot look away, my eyes keep movin down and up
lips are lush, im in a trance every time you brush,
by, freckles pinpoint every spot i wanna touch
and im sure you got the hint, but if you must know
im tryin pretty hard to make you blush through your blush
like your eye shadow after the day's through, im tryin not to linger
never will i shadow, i just wanna take you by the fingers
and always stand to your left like it's forever 9 o'clock
cuz im willing to stop time if it means this moment i'll lock

whatever.

2009-06-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

i'm solely posting because i haven't in months. let's see if this will me get back into the habit.

ready?...

go!

so, i was pretty much an ass today, but it was like a cool kinda ass. i wasn't mad or annoyed at anything, just didn't care i guess. i had this one guy come into the store today, he didn't speak english. that's ok, he asked me if i spoke spanish and i say 'un poquito.' so normally i say that and they try to explain what they need. what does this guy do? he says 'no.' just 'no.' as if to say 'in order to help me, you absolutely must be fluent in the language of my people.' and you know what i say? 'ok.' then proceed to sell a phone to other customers, in spanish, who were more appreciative of my efforts. and i know he heard me speaking the language of his people.

more people are coming in to buy converter boxes before the switch on friday. most of them fail to realize their coupons expire. smh. one couple in particular boosted my ego a lil. they came to get their boxes, and i offered them the warranty. the girl immediately rejects, before i even get to explain it, which happens. i don't know why, but i was like, in my head of course, 'fuck you.' i glance at her for a second, then turn to the guy; 'sir, put it like this: the warranty covers you for the year, if you add it you're only paying 22 bucks total. now say you don't add it and something happens, you're paying 60 bucks for a new box cuz you're not getting new coupons.' and he immediately said yes. looked at the girl and smirked. this chick just got figuratively bitchslapped! hahahahaha.

ok, im done.

coo coo ka-chow!

2009-05-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

follow.. no, stalk me on twitter, yes?

search for "aeriin," so simple, no?

simpler than having me gather thoughts into the spirit bombs you're accustomed to :D

silence.

2009-04-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

videogames are great. they are the best jesus made since 1. wine, and 2. dickie shorts [have you ever done any physical activity in them???] the only letdown of videogames is that you can't do that shit in real life.

examples:

-street fighter iv: i want to fire kick people in the face and cannon spike jaws, never gonna happen.

-final fantasy series: who doesn't want to silence their peers at a whim, or meteor them for that matter.

-pokemon: i want an eevee, end of story.

videogames are on top of the fantasy inducers along with dreams and pornography.

crimson.

2009-04-05T11:16:00.000-07:00

so about 20 minutes ago i was speeding down the highway, windows down, chanting "crimson, and clover, over, and over" [jimmy eat world's "a praise chorus"]. i had my green tea and i was [and still am] filled with energy. i don't understand why i feel so perfect right now. i feel like every sunday should be exactly like this.

quick realization: currently, the closest we can get to teleportation is achieved by gettin drunk.

idol.

2009-03-20T14:25:00.001-07:00

Im sitting in my car in the kaiser parking lot, hour and a half early. This is probably one of those things my coworker would tease me for, saying im not black.

Anyway, interesting week i must say [note by this week i mean starting last friday to today]. Last friday was the second official chocolate? party at the mansion. Needless to say, we threw down. Lets see, 11.30pm, the place is packed. Police even came complaining, not about the party, about the number of people there. We kicked half the people out and it got packed again shortly. Bar stayed busy as shit. We are the shit.

I think im gonna make next tuesday my last day at the hospital where my would-be-perfect-wife works, thus allowing me to start my plan :D

I may start a little section, or endless post, just to document the growing stupidity ive been witnessing. I mean, seriously: you know you're stupid when you blame a slow line at mcdonalds on the state of california. Yes, somebody said that. I know you're thinking "nobody would say that it doesn't make any sense." i assure you my friends, somebody said that shit.

I hope i wasn't one of those kids who answered the question "who do you want to be like when you grow up?". Im sure i was but today i officially retract my answer. I watch people, all the time. School, work, public places. I have yet to meet someone i can proudly say "i'd like to be like him". I mean, of course nobody's perfect, but what happened to having an idol, a hero? I have no one in my everyday life id like to be like, nor out of all those you'd see on tv. Whatever.

crosshatch

2009-03-11T23:50:00.000-07:00

crosshatch shading? havent touched that style since highschool.

helpless.

2009-03-08T21:52:00.000-07:00

2 weeks? 3 weeks? fuuck.

hmmm whats new...

started kaiser after a week of orientation [which means getting paid to sleep and look at pretty girls.], cant complain. not at all. my job is pretty simple, an hour of putting snacks together. lunch [which is paid for by my $7.50 a day meal card], deliver trays to patients, clean; it's worth the pay.

i missed a week of my school internship [because of kaiser]. after finally returning, some random asian [id be more specific but i dont want to be wrong] lady expressed disappointment that i havent been there for two weeks. now i probably talked to this lady for less than a minute within the first 30 minutes i got there on the first day, but i guess i can feel good that i was missed. i was even more happy i got to work with the same beautiful woman from the previous post [whom i found out was only a mere 4 years older, fuck yeah!]. that, and i landed an extra day in the week to go, i mean i do actually learn stuff there.

my manager at radioshack in on vacation, so everybody is picking up more slack. i've pretty much inherited his hours for the time being, and also his attitude i think. it's been growing more obvious that the people i help are really helpless. let's see, random customer quotes:

"this outdoor antenna, it is the kind that goes outdoors, or is that just the name of it?"

"and the mouse pad, do i have to do anything with it?" [after advising her to charge her bluetooth when she got home.]

"you have convertible boxes?" [as in, converter boxes.]

chocolate? party this friday. i used to always say id never throw parties cuz id be too embarrassed if not a lot of people show up. most of the parties that ive been to that were thrown have seriously lacked attendees, but everybody loves chocolate?.

i can't wait for my dvd :D

discomfort.

2009-02-18T21:36:00.001-08:00

today had to be the most interesting i've had in a while. it wasn't even a good day necessarily, just really interesting.

i am officially the closest ill ever get to being in love "at first sight". at the hospital i interned at, i was working under the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. i don't know what it was about her; she wasn't magazine beautiful, she wasn't hot [no make-up, no revealing clothes], she had kind of pale skin. i don't know what it was about her, but i wish i was about 5 years older so i could marry her, cuz obviously every guy that she's met so far is fucking stupid for not doing so. i never get this excited about a girl i've seen either. usually, with my curse of being over observant, i'll easily find something about literally anybody's physical features that may stay on my mind and turn me off. i was working with her for about 3 hours and could not find a single thing. her personality was great too, laid back and calm; "not a hype chick, a girl with proper energy" [as nas would say]. omfg.

i found a pho so 1 restaraunt in hawaiian gardens. love that place.

in class today, i was sitting in the last row, this girl and another guy sat in front of me. they're friends, but as far as i know they don't have much prior history. but tell me why i happened to look under the table in front of me to see her hand on his leg? then tell me why every time i looked her hand was getting closer to you know where, until it finally got to you know where? and then tell me why, after a few minutes the guy starts shuffling himself about his seat in "discomfort"? i didn't know whether to "eww" or "woowww that just happened." i went with the latter. now i simply can't look at the girl the same way. believe me, i tried it, and i could not help but turn my head and crack a smile.

...omfg, excuse me while i reminisce about my would-be-perfect-for-me wife.

you know what would be fucking awesome??? if i had a recurring dream featuring the one from last one, with my would-be-perfect-for-me wife biting my finger instead of the other chick... man...

cat.

2009-02-18T21:18:00.000-08:00

i had this dream. i was chilling in a room watching tv with a particular girl who will remained unnamed and un-hinted-at. the whole time she was being playful [not as far as the thoughts that may have just popped up in your head] and biting my finger. it felt just like a cat biting your finger: sharp, but not too painful. somebody walks by the room and throws something at the girl, causing her to jump and attack, all cat-like. i was kinda pissed cuz at that exact moment my phone was ringing, and i can only guess that my dream was ended that because i was fated to wake up to a ringing phone. i hate when that happens, cuz you can never go back to that same dream. no more biting... that shit was hot. don't ask, i really am starting to enjoy pain.

hmm, i was also thinking, that the particular girl in the dream seems like the type to like biting... hmmm...

remotes.

2009-02-17T22:02:00.000-08:00

so, i think this is the most pointless conversation i've ever had on a work phone. ever. i'm going to quote the conversation to the best of my ability, complete with mind commentary [notated by "[]"]. enjoy:

[me]: thank you for calling radioshack, this is chris speaking.

lady: hi, i was wondering if i could get some information from you?

[me]: ok.

-silence-

[me]: ...about? [what the fuck...]

lady: oh, yes. well i had a question about your universal remote controls.

[me]: ok.

: ok, if a remote control is a universal one, it should be gray right?

[me]: umm, no. [wow...]

lady: oh, ok. well i have this remote that has numbers 1-4 in blue and then another 1-4 in gray and says rca at the bottom, is it universal?

[me]: i dont know, are those numbers particular functions or do you just have the numbers 1-9?

lady: it has the numbers 1-9, then the number 0 under them and a button that says enter. [so it's a regular fucking remote...]

[me]: no, it's not a universal remote.

lady: ok. well how much do you guys sell your universal remote controls for?

[me]: well the cheapest one is 7.99, and they go up to 99.

lady: what do you mean? [what do you not get about that??]

[me]: we have more than one, the price starts at 7.99, and we have one that's 99.

: oh, my. ok. i had another question: do you all sell those boxes that umm, you get the discount if you have the coupon that you need for the transition, like the converter kind? [i knew it, you're old.]

[me]: yes, we do.

: ok, how much are they?

[me]: 59.99, but if you have the coupon it's 20.

: wait, what?

[me]: ...20 dollars with the coupon.

lady: ok, say if you don't have the coupon... how much is it?

[me]: 59.99...

lady: oh ok, now do you give the coupon there?

[me]: no, you have to call the government to get it.

lady: do you know which part of the government i'd need to speak to?

[me]: there's a specific number you call... 1888.DTV.2009

lady: ok thank you, now i'm asking these things for a friend [no you are not, you're fucking retarded] and she wrote something out but it's spanish

-meanwhile, my boss is looking at me from across the room cause i've been on the phone for about 5 minutes already, and he's asking who's on the phone...-

[me]: *covering the phone* i think it's some old lady, she's just asking questions.

lady: are you there>

[me]: yes.

-she continues to talk, but my memory is foggy due to lack of interest, she was trying to figure out what something was that her "friend" wrote-

lady: it's a rf modulator, do you provide those?

[me]: yeah, they're 27.49.

lady: ok, so you have the rf modulator for 27.49, and the convertor boxes are 59.99 without the coupon and 19.99 with the coupon. then i have something here that says "7.99 to 99" [wooowwww this bitch is taking notes...], what was that about?

[me]: remote controls?

lady: oh yes. well thank you for yo....

-blah blah blah hang up.-

so, that was about the dumbest conversation i had to date. and to my luck i happened to stay about one minute after i clocked out to leave and i answered the phone again. guess who it was? i'm not going to script this one out but here's the jist of it:

she called to talk about the remotes again. and she described an old universal remote that she bought from k-mart a long time ago. it was long and gray, which i guess led her to believe that all universal remotes were long and gray. then she describes hers to be "5/6 the size of the old one" and asks "so what does that mean? is it the same remote?" wtf, rite?

then, she said she found the booklet for the remote, which said universal remote on it. again, she asked me: "so is it universal?" i replied "well if it says it is, then it is." afterwards she proceeds to read off her remote to me. every. single. button.

what. the. fuck.

back to our universal remotes; she wanted to know the difference between them. she didn't exactly understand why they're priced so differently, which is kind of understandable. i told her that we have 7 different remotes and that they all control different amounts of devices and there's one you can even hook to a computer. "ok, that's 2..." and i'm thinking to myself "what do you mean 'that's 2'?", not knowing she's expecting me to explain all 7 remotes separately. so i told her that those are the major differences and that i couldn't explain every single remote to her. her reply was : "you can't?" and i said "no." cause fuck that. then she finally thanks me and hangs up.

don't let me get old, please.

mood.

2009-02-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

write, or eat breakfast? i think the choice i made is apparent. food can wait, besides i don't always get the motivation to actually sign on every time i visit my own page.

so, my mood has flipped completely upside-down. i guess it happened slowly, cuz it's a lot of little things that are annoying the shit out of me rite now.

i'm tired of driving around fucking everywhere doing hospital screenings for school and kaiser. i want to go to the kaiser down the street from my house and they can email that shit to hollywood, wtf.

ive been wasting this weekend. i've had opportunities to stay out late both thursday nite and last nite and they both weren't used to their potentials. i hope tonite won't follow that trend.

girls aren't exactly helping my mood either.

i think the thing that's bothering me the most is school. i'm taking 15 units, which is not that big of a deal. i do it all the time, but it seems like i have a bigger workload than normal. i don't feel like doing this rite now. i've been getting to comfortable and im not motivated at all at the moment. i feel like the people i have no respect for, that think its just fine to stay in the same place for the rest of their lives and never try to better themselves. i refuse to lower myself to that position, i just have to bitch-slap my brain until it understands that :/

[edit.] i suddenly feel better.

refurbished.

2009-01-29T20:32:00.000-08:00

so the bridge has survived the fire. my mom brings home this cheap little prepaid, refurbished, phone that my dad apparently dropped off at my grandma's place. it's been sitting on my floor for about a week, still inside it's original liquor store bag, further secured into it's non-original, refurbished packaging. he also called the house today, so i expect another awkward [for him] conversation will soon come... anybody need a phone?

pepper.

2009-01-27T22:35:00.000-08:00

pepper spray. after maybe 5 minutes of thought, i determined that pepper spray would be an excellent topic. i came up with two different things that could be up for discussion.

first, how does pepper spray taste? its extracted from peppers, so could it possibly double as a spice? i remember this episode of the critic [old cartoon about critic jay sherman] where this lady sprays jay, and he eats it. ok, i know that cartoons are extremely exaggerated, but still. here's some legit [in my opinion] logic: just because it burns your eyes does not mean it can't taste good; go rub some orange juice in your eye and tell me orange juice is not fuckin tasty. so, if i get my hands on some pepper spray, i'm gonna season my food and see what happens.

second, i went on wikipedia and searched pepper spray. i'm not sure how accurate the information is, but apparently pepper spray has been banned from war. i don't understand how you ban an item from war. i mean a nuclear weapon is more logical seeing as it'll fuck up the earth on a huge scale. but really, i'm at war with someone and i have pepper spray in my pocket, who's gonna enforce the no spray law. who the fuck are you to tell me not to use my pepper spray? what, is my enemy going to see my pepper spray and go "hey, that's against the rules! put that down, now!"?? no. and if he did, he would get sprayed.

blackberries.

2009-01-27T00:07:00.001-08:00

have you ever took a flight somewhere, and near the end they say something like "we are now 50 miles from our destination. just in case we need to make an emergency landing, make sure you leave your bags on board." what the fuck? doesnt that make you expect something to happen? well we landed perfectly, and i'm just like, why mention the fact that something may go wrong when you know that nothing is gonna go wrong?? assholes.

so i got back last night, the trip was great. i love seattle. i love the clam chowder from that one grill. i love the seafood. i love the blackberries from the outdoor marketplace. the cold weather has me walking around los angeles and long beach without a jacket cuz i'm used to it being 30 degrees. i'd post pics but it seems like i took more pictures inside the hotel room than i did outside. let me kno if you have no idea what a hotel room looks like, however, and i will post some. we saw 1 cop, 4 fat people, and 11 mexicans. yes, we counted. it was fun yelling "homies over hoes!" and doin "the homie" with my friends in front of random white people. it was great playing king's cup and i never. and it was classic quoting 40-year-old virgin for pretty much two whole days. and if you're lost or thinking something perverted, "nigga, you gay." it's from boondocks; thuglicious.

mitch hedburg is great. that is all.

leaving.

2009-01-23T00:22:00.000-08:00

i should definitely be sleeping now, but i'm eating a huge bowl of cereal instead, listening to a rotating ashanti's 'only you [instrumental]'. it's such a powerful beat, i wrote some lyrics to it a couple years ago, ill post it at the end. anyway, my point to this post: in roughly 6 hours, i will be waiting for my flight. i am leaving. only for a little while though, i wish i was leaving leaving. but that trip to seattle i spoke of begins in the morning. i'm not excited, but i am looking forward to it. a birthday present to myself. i have a feeling ill come back with some diet-related illness, if not a cold.

so, are you one of those people that are observant enough to know when you're friends are having problems? and more specifically do you easily pinpoint the source without them talking to you about it? if so, how do you like that characteristic about yourself? i don't know if i should be ecstatic about that ability or not. i mean, it sucks to sympathize for someone without them being able to know, you know? and it'd be weird for me to come out and start a conversation about their business with them when they haven't exactly opted to talk about it with you. this is where i resort to secretly cheering them up, hope it works.

ok, i sleep now. [yes, i meant for that to be grammatically incorrect.]

attitude.

2009-01-11T22:19:00.000-08:00

so it's been more than two weeks since the new year started and i still haven't posted. but now that i think about it, i don't really care. it's not that big of a deal, you know? not like i ever know what to write about anyway. so, i didn't make any resolutions. i've stopped doing that years ago, at first because i never really tried to keep them, or cause i'd forget. now, it's because i think about it differently, if there's something that needs to change, why wait? why use the excuse of "it's a new year" to start doing new stuff? as we said every day in culinary school, "fuck it" and go.

i've been partying a lot in these past two weeks it seems. i'm sleepy as hell, but it does not stop yet. i have a big month ahead of me, or half a month, i guess. everybody's birthday is this month; mines is thursday. is it me, but are birthdays the hardest thing in the world to remember? i really only remember my mom's without any doubt. everybody else i end up asking for the date 50 times, or i somehow get reminded like 2 days before. i still don't know what i'm doing to celebrate my 20th, and i don't know what to do for anyone elses either. whatever.

seattle in two weeks! we ordered the tickets, it is going, down.

finally, i've set a match to the biggest bridge i've longed to burn. my dad calls me last night literally minutes before i was stepping out to go party. for some strange reason, he's mad that i didn't pick up the phone he bought me, that he said he was going to drop off. make any sense? no. so i explained that to him, and i guess he didn't hear me. i hear i have a problem speaking up, but i guess. so then he jumps into "what is your problem with me??" then i explain for the first time out of five time within a span of 10 minutes, that i don't have a problem with him, i don't hate him, i don't deny him as my father, and that it's simply because i've gotten used to him not being around and i'm in no way motivated to start a new relationship with him, i simply don't care. the thing that was different about this conversation, however, is that i was full on arguing with him. normally, i half listen, knowing what he's going to say. but this time i said "fuck it, he's going to listen to me." i think my attitude had something to do with me not being in my car. i mean i was supposed to be out partying, not arguing with a dumb fuck. sad part is that every time i said something, it was instantly translated into "i hate you, i've been holding animosity against you for years. wahhh wahh!!" so eventually i just gave up and resorted to amusing myself by pissing him off every chance i got. it was really the funniest conversation i've ever had after i realized his brain couldn't process a single thing i told him. who woulda thought an argument would amp me up to go party?

reasonable.

2008-12-31T20:19:00.000-08:00

so far, so bad. i hate today, and i'm hoping the next 3 hours and 40 minutes will save my opinion of new years eve, 08.

i woke up today at 8.30, and was my zune was frozen. it's still frozen. this means i have to burn mix cds and touch my dash board more often. this needs to be changed before i start school again and skate back forth from parking lots to class. i need a new zune or a new ipod, or a techie jesus.

i think being mad at my zune and immediately cursing the entire day led to me being extremely irritable for its remainder. you how they say you can speak or will things into existence? im pretty sure i did that. i pretty much wanted to slap 90% of the customers i dealt with today. i really hope that it was just one of those days where everybody's a dumbass and i'm acting perfectly reasonable, but i doubt those days even exist.

now it seems like the majority of my friends are asking me about party info for tonite. normally it feels pretty cool, everybody waitin on you and you pretty schedule whats goin down. rite now, however, i'm a lil annoyed, and a lil confused on what to do. i could easily hit up several kickbacks, or even a club. but im not in the mood really. im kinda down to house party. i'm not even sure if i want to drink now. damnit.

accent.

2008-12-30T10:38:00.000-08:00

yesterday was pretty chill. went to work, and me and my boss pretty talked the whole time about random stuff. you know how like normally your boss doesn't want you standing around all the time doing nothing? we did nothing for my whole 4 hour shift. basically talked about random stuff, like which actresses are really hot and other things. i think i figured out why i like hispanic girls so much: it's the tone in their voice. im not talking about the accent, but a lot of them have a really gentle [?] voice thats really easy to listen to. and of course the accent tops it off and adds the sexy. my favorite accent, however, is english. whew... another thing i was thinking about, due to being told that i have an old soul, do you think that would have any kind of effect on people my age understanding me, or even hinder me from making a connection in relationship situations with someone my age? i doubt it, and i definitely don't want to make it an excuse, but could it be something to think about?

i finally took a trip to michaels art supply store! ive been meaning to pick up some poster frames for these prints i bought from a friend and a drawing i did. i also got the last piece of my airbrush set, so i should be starting my practice soon, and immediately following, more art. im really happy i could finally hang up these pieces tho, especially the ones from 3satva [http://www.myspace.com/3satva]. check out his page and look for the pieces 'deluge' and 'xochitl', which are proudly, and fucking beautifully, hanging on my walls. the piece i did is of an anime character 'c.c.' of code geass, black and white in ink.

i also finally got to see 'zack and miri make a porno.' i think its just one those things i have to do: see anything with seth rogen, or produced by kevin smith or judd apatow. it was playing at the 3 dollar movies, and i had nothing planned after work, so i went. it was pretty short, but it was a good movie. it actually gets better the more i think about it. and the weird thing is, this movie makes me want to find love more than any other movie has. i mean you look at the title and you're probably like, 'what the fuck are u talking about?' but if you've seen it, please tell me you know how i feel, or least you have an idea how i feel. it's probably just because miri [elizabeth banks] is freaking hot, especially in this movie, and i secretly wanna hit that. i also think it's because while they're filming all the scenes everyone is actually having porn sex, and when it gets to zack and miri, they end up making love, so its kind of a sharp transition. the song they play the minute they start makes it even more powerful. live - hold me up. check it out. this band can actually be a separate post in itself as im currently listening to their other songs. wow.

skills.

2008-12-23T18:26:00.000-08:00

i got ran over by a motorized wheelchair. it didn't hurt, it just diminished my spirits. i mean, who wants to be run over by a wheelchair? thats what happens to losers. supposedly im going bowling in northridge for 50 cents... that makes no sense to me, but we'll see what happens.

this weekend was pretty interesting. i went to simi valley friday nite for this lil xmas get together for my church's youth group. simi valley is freaking weird, there are so many heavy concentrations of houses, and hardly any businesses unless u take the time to look for them. that, and it was 30 somethin degrees out there. i guess i should get used to that since i plan on going to washington next month, in exactly one month. saturday we randomly threw a kickback, which resulted in another nite of no sleep. i died on sunday.

i realized that all trace of me ever having 'game' has faded away from the surface of the earth. i think in maybe the 9th and 10th grades, i was actually into talking to whatever girls and trying to get numbers or get a girlfriend. gradually i stopped giving a damn, like it's really not my focus nor a priority. i mean of course id like to have the company at times, and that feeling is slowly growing more and more. but what the hell do i do now? i have no more skills! damnit.

i started using google chrome. its a new internet browser, to my knowledge at least. i like it. i was using aol explorer, after using mozilla firefox, but this one is probably the best yet. it looks nice, anytime you open a tab, it shows thumbnails of pages you always go to so you can revisit with a click. and one of the better yet not-so-noticeable features is in the navigation bar: you kno how when you type where you wanna go, and the list falls down under it, and you press enter when you see the site you want, and it doesn't go anywhere because you realize too late that you never selected it? chrome actually puts out full website addresses as you type, so if you press enter like a dumbass, you wont feel like a dumbass because you'll actually be somewhere. try that ish!

i guess i should finally thank my procrastination. i started writing what was supposed to be this post last nite while i was at this xmas party. instead, i got bored and said 'nevermind i dont even care.' seriously, if i wouldve posted last nite, it wouldve been shit.

scar.

2008-12-16T14:30:00.000-08:00

so i have 6 minutes left in my break, and i feel like blogging. of course i immediately forgot all the things i had thought of to write about in the past couple days so i will attempt to just keep on typing and maybe maybe something sensible or interesting will appear in writing.

i think im getting closer to confirming the people i will remain friends with for the times ahead. i still think im too nice, but at the same time im such an asshole. i think it just happens to be in alll the wrong places. so maybe if i start being meaner where im too nice and nicer where im not, things will be great? let's try it.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm i got this scar last nite on the palm of my hand. i could probably make up a cool story to substitute for the retarded truth that actually did occur. to put in short i was outisde in socks tryin not to step in rain-drenched grass and i hit a tree. now if i was drunk thatd be a good story.

here's what im gonna say: i was temporarily left-handed and i got caught up in a knife fight. after circling my opponent a few times i said "ef this!" and grabbed his knife with my right hand and went to work on that mofo! i like that story :)

void.

2008-12-14T22:47:00.000-08:00

so i just got through telling my cousin how i refrained from using the word "grazi" because a small part of denied its existence. and now, of course, i feel a little stupid, un poquito. i feel like those people who will say random stuff, like "i don't believe in sugar." and i've heard someone say "i don't believe in guys." i mean what else can you say but "well i'm sorry, but they exist," while pointing at the thing in question?

so, suddenly i'm feeling a small drive to get my art out into the world. whether it be my writing, my cartoons, my clothes, whatever. i feel like producing more, making connections. maybe i'm growing up a little bit. i wonder how long this will last...

my birthday is next month, no longer will i be a teenager. i feel like 20 is going to be a year living in a desolate void. it's the only year that you're still limited but you can't be referred to as a teenager. it's like, 21 is the first year where you have no restrictions due to age, unless you want to run for political office, and how many people are gonna do that? being a teenager is like, ok, you're almost there, but at least you have a category for the time being. what the hell is 20??? we should start a petition to lower drinking and gambling ages to 20! not that i expect you guys to care because the majority of you are already of age :/

[edit.]
i love how i'm completely oblivious to my school schedule. i'm pretty sure this is my last week before break, but i really have no clue.

april.

2008-12-09T22:42:00.000-08:00

why the hell do i need a 16-month calender??

i mean the most obvious reason i wouldn't need it is that there's 12 months in the year, rite?

but also,

who's gonna look at a calender in october and go up to april like "oh yeah, let me save this date," or "what day is april fool's?" all i'm saying is, nobody's gonna care about april until march, maybe february. maybe. it's a waste of time. i like how i didn't know how to spell february, i swear i'm getting retarded.

and one more thing, if i get a calender that goes to next april, then it would be a waste to buy a whole calender for that year. like, i'd literally be wasting %25 of the calender price because i already know about jan through april, so i wouldn't be backtracking. especially with the condition our economy is?? hellll nahhh. man, i am bored.

make a 24 month calender, that shit would be active.

suicidal.

2008-12-09T22:29:00.000-08:00

why do i feel like i have the most retarded dreams??

last week i woke up after an adolescent girl running away from a religious cult of monks, evading a myriad of pursuers. she's tired of living a lifestyle being forced to believe things that everyone claims as a reason to have faith; she needs her reason, or she won't believe. her brother feels abandoned and sets out to find her for his own fear of remaining alone.

weird, rite? i'm thinkin i'll make an illustrated story out of this.

sunday morning i had little mini-dreams of stuff that should happen in the very near future. i wake up, and as im laying there my mom comes in to check on me. then, i really wake up, and my mom comes to check on me. except i'm like, didn't u just come in here???

i don't think i'm gonna end up goin to washington dc. haven't really heard anything about it since the first mention, and i'm already making plans to head up to washington state for a mini-vacation in the most suicidal city in... the country? iono. pero lo siento buddy :/

wave.

2008-12-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

guy: hey, do u have a rubberband?
me: no.
guy: a rubberband???
me: nope.
guy:...alright. [walks out]
me: this nigga is really gonna get mad cuz i don't have a rubberband??

i have the best job ever.

so i worked on thanksgiving. best idea i ever agreed to. i just don't like waking up on a holiday and doing nothing. those tend to be the most boring mornings ever, at least at my house. and i didn't particularly feel like cooking, so work was the easy way out. i'm just mad that people apparently had the same idea of not staying home, i was expecting the day to be completely slow. it was ok tho, saw about 4 movies, only 2 i remember at the moment: back in the day, and dirty dancing. i've never seen dirty dancing before even tho the movie is older than me, but i'm in love with jennifer gray 20 years ago. right now she's not so hot, but back then, hell yes. i was trying to find out what other movies she was in back then, and heard about 'ferris bueller's day off.' so i was like 'ok, ima get this movie on dvd or somthin.' and with my luck, it came on tv today while i was at work but i missed the whole first hour :(

black friday was pretty weak, [funny how i can only think of discriminatory reasons that they'd call it black friday] i woke at up 4 somthin in the morning to go to work. i was prepared from last year's experience of a 6 hour non-stop wave of customers. this year, however, i had to deal with a non-stop wave of customers that lasted 30 minutes. so i'm pretty sure the few hours i spent standing around could've been substituted by sleep but hey, what can u do?

rewind.

2008-11-25T00:46:00.000-08:00

a couple excerpts from my archives.. dating back to as far as 2004, not more recent than 2006. if this isn't reason enough to keep writing, i don't know what is..

...although my water's cut off and i bathe in my own tears
and the faucet handle's my one true love and i fear
i wont be cryin tears of joy no more cuz she might go mainstream
just like music...

...They said my thoughts aren't worth nothin so I'm runnin from nothing
People left and right look at me like I would never be something
look in my eyes, hear my heart and blood flowing
I know my creator went through the process of bestowing
within me the knowledge of a old one who spent time in concentration
or one who tried to flee waiting at a underground station...

...dont try to fuck wit me
ill currently make u part of history...

...try bein victim to a heart attack, not by cholesterol or shock
but maybe emotion, or the shells from the glock
flyin like birds in a flock
the desert eagle ridin city wings
travelin block to block
goin through plenty things
brushin past a shoulder of one waitin at a bus stop
right over the candy paint of a drop top
placin a scratch on a badge as it passes a cop
right into the heart of a child playin on the library's scenic rock...

...my thoughts compose nocturnes, words appropriate for the night
the way I feel in my place this world is too dark for sunlight
I wonder If I died and came back where would I be
see reflections from water that fell from the roof or through a diamond's gleam...

...I need ya touch and I need ya kisses
it's like my love is a chain, but you the link im missin
I admire ya eyes and lips, how they always glisten
If you eva had to repeat yaself, it's not that I didn't listen
I jus wanted to hear ya voice once more, once again
I bet only you can feel my heartbeat while you holdin my hand...

...every sabbath the sun rises to "God Love Us" by Nas
my gospel, a change from music that goes covered wit lies
I sit and wonder, who counted every scar Jesus recieved on his back
who made it manditory that there'd be eight or siteen bars on a track...

...the hypnotizin smile, most beautiful thing in the world
can make the most shallow grow roots deep into this world
her eyes ligt up the midnite sky, and no matter what they say, life will neva pass her by
cuz itll want a permanent look at her, not from a distance
if moon got glimpse, it'd stop revolvin in a instant...

...As he sits and thinks how he got into this mess
he goes back in time, not to when he started his protest
but back to when he was neglected and alone
when his parents fought while that lady was sittin in the bed of his home
with no words to explain how bad his world spins
he's slowly turning into the man full of hatred and sin
his thoughts bring him back to his time, one last place before he's claimed deceased
there's nothing left that he can do, but pray, under his jail sheets...

...like twisted weather I'm cold but I bring heat to a track
wit my name in ya mouth like I'm the wash that's fightin the plaque...

...didnt trip when she kept starin off to the
side of my pocket...

...rinse my face in flowing water, eyes red from sleep
possibly crying before my wake, dreams aren't reality
legit reason? will they ever be mirror imagery?
with whats before the barrier physically in front of me
told me I'd accomplish all if I tried
so could I capture her beauty, just to hold by my side...

i think i've embarassed myself enough.

eagle-eye.

2008-11-22T13:39:00.000-08:00

It's literally special ed how sleepy i am! Last night was the longest night ever. Actually yesterday was the longest day ever, period. I woke up, went to work, put nothing but cookies, coffee, and water in my body til about 5pm. I actually had a good sales day yesterday, it was spooky good. Im gettin some starbucks cards!

So i was sposed to be off at 3, but i stayed 45 minutes later cuz my co-worker was having car issues. Wasn't bothered tho, got me another gift card chicka chicka yeaa! So i get home and play rock band for a lil, then my boss calls me and asks me to sub for my co-worker so she can take care of her car. So i go. I was kinda not happy cuz i was planning to meet up with the crew at 7 so we could hit this club, but nothin was goin down there so i got over it.

After work im trying to figure out how to pass the time before we meet up to just hit hollywood. I ended up hitting the park with all the asian people and worked on my "dirty rap." after i got the call, we met up and pushed out to hollywood, club element. We paid the little 15 for parking and got in line. We kinda stood there for an hour before we got to the front only to find out it was 21 and over... Fuck me, rite? We didnt think anything of it cuz we've been there before and it was no problem, but we literally wasted a hour of our lives. Like, i still want that hour back. What's even more messed up is that when we were standing off to side all entry-denied, the lady came out of her to walk up to us to say "you guys aren't 21." ok... i know that... asshole. We tried to see what's up with this other one called level 3, but the guy that worked there couldn't even answer us when we asked how it was. You know there's a problem when the people that work at a club don't hype it up to take our money. So then it was off to ihop.

It's about 2am at the carson ihop where we always go to eat after anything. we're just like, didn't spend our money at the club, so might as well spend it here, rite? i have no idea how much time we spent there but we were hella drained and were planning on going home and knocking out. so here we are at the register about to pay for our food, and the lady tells us these girls left a number for us with her to give us after they left the parking lot... wtf? so it's like oook... but we called when we got to the car. fuck it. next stop: csulb??

so they were bored, and we were tired, but bored. so we go out to csulb to chill for a bit. on a sidenote, i got my car filled up on 20 bucks, hell yes. so after like 10 minutes of blind driving, we get to the campus. i give em a call to see where we're sposed to park, and we're getting directed around eagle-eye status, i mean cuz i don't know where they saw us from. we ended up chillin there for about an hour... like 4.. to like 5 almost 6. so on the way back to the car, there's this guy sitting at a stop sign, smoke coming from the car. it really looks like he hit an invisible wall, front hood warped up. and his car was crying. everytime he tried to start it thats what it sounded like. so we go to see if he's ok, and he says he was in a hit and run with some drunk drivers. we help him push the car into the parking lot and we're asking him questions about what happened. i think that motherfucker was drunk, and he ran into something. how else is your front hood gonna be dented? if you get hit by somebody the way he was describing [they just came around the corner], you would get hit on the side. if it was a head on collision, i'm pretty positivo that the other car would be crying like a little bitch too.

sooo yeah, long night :/

i'm tired.

and you can definately tell where i switched from phone to computer with the sudden absence of capitalization.

idiocy.

2008-11-19T21:23:00.000-08:00

wow, just got home from church. it was interesting, very, interesting. to me and probably only me at least. we had a little assignment: pick your favorite story out of the old testament of the bible to share with everyone. easy enough right? pick a story, and we're discuss it. so i was in between the story of the cities of sodom and gomorrah and the one where king david sees this married chick he likes and obtains by send her husband to fight on the front lines by himself in a war. in all my idiocy, i pick sodom and gomorrah thinking it would be the best choice. so i share the story that i picked, right? and since i have a king james old fashion-speak version of the bible, i failed to translate the part where the guys in the cities want the guys in the house to come out so they can "know them" into the part where the guys in the cities want the guys in the house to come out so they can "have sex with them." ok, so what i learned from the story before all this had nothing to do with them having sexy times en mass. but to put it short, the story i chose sparked a whole debate session on everything from sexual preference to obama to the black people's struggle. and you know how i feel about debates, so you can assume i was quiet the rest of the nite. even though everybody had intelligent stuff to say, and not for this statement to be taken the wrong way: it took like an hour for somebody to actually come to a point.

you how normally during debates people tend to express their views over and over? i think it's because of that they never end. we tend to express our opinions but we fail to connect them to a certain point, thus resulting in endless amounts of time trying to get each other to understand what we're saying. it's like "i understand what you're saying because you said it 50 times, but please relate how you feel to the topic, a topic, any topic because apparently i'm not getting your point if you have to repeat yourself 50+ times." maybe we can find a common ground or take the conversation a step further. maybe i should go be a free spirit. i'll go build a treehouse in the woods and i'll never have to talk about, or listen to, anything serious again.

i just love how i managed to spark up the thing i pretty much hate most. wtf.

oysters.

2008-11-16T09:36:00.000-08:00

hopefully its back to the studio today. i've been slacking on my writing for months already, maybe years, i dont kno. i picked up this one song from my bro that i recorded back in 2005. and you know when you look at anything you've done a year ago or more and you automatically go "gotdamn this sucks!" i did that. my delivery was garbage. so garbage that i have dedicated myself to writing the entire song over. you know that song 'paparazzi' by xzibit? yeaaa. so hopefully that goes down today.

i thought id be tired when i woke up. i was out from 3pm to 1am yesterday/last night on what you could probably relate to a long fart, sex, and gay joke. i met up with a few people from culinary school and it was pretty much like we never graduated. i really miss school now, at least that one. but god forbid anybody was actually listening to any of our conversations in the chinese buffet. i did not know oysters were so gotdamn huge! and why do their deserts always suck? it's always cookies and unripe fruit. i had the worst strawberries ever. they were freaking savory! i kno that sounds tasty but if you think so then you're crazy. food is either sweet or savory. so which one do you think a strawberry supposed to be?? fuck.

all my sympathy and regards to the people dealing with the fires yesterday but... the air smelled like barbecue! :D

lol.

2008-11-12T20:51:00.000-08:00

i find it funny that there are multiple variations of "lol."

the latest one i've been seeing around: "el oh el". i mean i could've sworn the purpose was to abbreviate. who actually decided to put work back into expressing laughter?

and i think the funniest because of its retardedness: "lololol..." ok so it was really funny. but sometimes when i read it i'm like "laughing out loud out loud out loud out loud out.. loud? huh?"

sorry, i'm just bitter i can't comprehend how i'm sposed to finish this gotdamn homework assignment.

inaugaration.

2008-11-11T15:26:00.000-08:00

had to bust a quikie real quik. i just got the most random phone call. i missed it, and in turn got the most random voicemail. my auntie wanted to know if i'd be interested in going to dc in janurary to see the inaugaration ceremony. so at first i was thinking how random, i didn't even vote. then i was thinking, well i've never been to dc so it'd be pretty cool. then i was thinking, oh shit! dc... [you better catch what i'm getting at]. so, i think i'm down. hmm i'm probably going to have to pretend like i voted now :/

did i spell inaugaration rite?? such an awkward word.

temptations

2008-11-08T12:37:00.000-08:00

its not weird for me to just log on and start typing is it? because i have no idea what i want to write about. hmmm... so yesterday. pretty fun about halfway through the day. i decided to go catch this foreign film in pasadena later on, so i was pretty excited about that. work was boring as usual, but it's worse because corporate office is running around looking at stores so they have to be in perfect shape, meaning we have to put it in perfect shape. weak. i thought i'd end up staying til like 3 or later, but i finished what i needed to do pretty early and i was out by 1. i also had a pretty good attitude at work for once. not that i have really a bad attitude half the time, but more of a i don't really care. you when people like to talk to you about random things and you don't care? that attitude. i just didn't feel like being an ass.

so i got home and decide to rock a fro to pasadena. normally i wear my hair like a just woke up, hopped in the shower, and rapidly massaged my scalp. i don't know if that provides a good visual or not, but that's pretty much what i do anyway. nobody actually realizes how long my hair actually is though. when i comb it, it curls up and shrinks so it looks like it's maybe an inch long. it's about 4 inches long, and blow-drying it shows. it was funny how after i finished, i put on my glasses and realized how much i look like the black singer from rock band. then i got a lil dissappointed because i could've did that for halloween and it would've been great because i know hardly anybody would even think of it. then i got over it and started playing rock band. i swear that game is just like working out. i don't know if i said it before, but playing the drums for a while gets hard. but every time i try it again like a few days or a week later, i'm automatically better at it. try it. hmmm, now i'm looking at the mic on my tv tray, it's closer than i remember putting it. now im tempted.

so you have to go see the movie 'let the right one in,' best vampire movie ever. it's not even in english but that makes it better somehow. that's what i saw last night, and i've been waiting patiently for weeks to see it. it's only playing in two theatres in the los angeles area, and it can leave any time, so i finally took the initiative. it's not a scary movie really, more creepy/disturbing, which in my book is a little more realistic and/or scary. other than that it was pretty funny, but i think i laughed at all the parts i shouldn't have because everybody else was quiet. that's what i get for being black lol. speaking of black people, while me and my bro were walking to the theatre, some random guy just starts walking with us and decides to have an ignorant obama conversation with us. what he doesn't know, however, is that we're assholes.

'so we're in the whitehouse now.'
-'no, he is.'

'well, i voted for him'
-'i wanted hillary to win in the first place.'
-'i voted for mccain.'

'they should paint the whitehouse black.'
-'why? that's not a pretty color at all. maybe if it was like white and blue i'd like it but not black.'
-'if they painted it black, somebody might crash into it at night, not a good idea.'

after a couple blocks, we were saved by some random car who called out to him, i guess they knew each other, but he was distracted long enough for us to cross the street and keep moving. vets be crazy man.

eye.

2008-11-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

halfway through the weekend but i'm pretty satisfied. let's say my weekend started early. no school on thursday, and normally there's nothin much to do when you don't have school. but my sister had informed me of this common concert going on at usc, sooooo guess where i was.

that whole day took forever. i had work, 4 hours seemed like 12. i went to best buy, since they're too busy to answer the phone, to check if they had the phone i've been waiting for ever-so-patiently. of course they didn't, so that was a little dissappointing. i ended up buying final fantasy tactics a2 for ds, i can't play pokemon forever. i mean i can but after a while there's not much left to do, i already have all the eevees. i got home and sprint called me saying the phone i want just came out so they let me order it. soooo i shall have the sickest phone ever within the next few days. so around 6.30 i left the house to pick up my sister for the show and head out to usc. we meet up with naomi and her friend, and i convinced chola to come despite her beliefs that she wouldn't make it on time. common's performance was great. it was only the second concert i've been too, but i loved it. i didn't recognize the song he opened with, but he followed it up with 'go' and got the crowd going crazy. i was suprised he did 'come close to me', that's my favorite song that he's made next to 'the corner', which he did later. he also did a couple songs off his upcoming album: 'the eye' [edit:'punch drunk love'] [if anybody actually has this song please tell me where i can get it. i need it, or at least the beat, i reaaaally wanna write to it], and 'universal mind control' [he had pretty much his whole band pop locking during the song]. did anybody know this guy could break though? i didn't know, but i got it on camera, i'll up the clip sometime. after about a hour and a half of performing, he closed it out with a couple freestyles, and now i'm jealous because i want to know how to freestyle.

halloween was pretty wack. nobody was really trick-or-treating. but me, my bro, and my other sister got a room in gardena to chill for the night. i find it weird when i got there and out of my car, i heard 'freak-a-leak' coming from a church across the street, followed by kirk franklin. i know right? so we went to get supplies from albertsons, and we had to take my sisters kids with us. i asked my bestest this question, and now i ask you: what would you think if you saw two young adults, they look no older than 20 really, with a infant and and 5-year-old holding the guy's hand, standing in the alcohol section picking out drinks? cuz that's what just happened. and we're the only ones that know we're not that kinda family, and that i have no kids, so i felt akward as hell. so after we get back, we get into 'intelligent' conversations about things. we started talking about prop 8, my siblings both support it, but because of a religious stand-point. i should be supporting it because of my religion also, but my mind decided to factor in everything else as well. the way i see it is that i want everyone to have a chance to be happy; maybe it works out, most likely not, but that's common for any marraige. it just sucks that for me wanting people to be happy i have to go against my religion by actually saying that. as far as teaching about gay marraige in schools, my siblings said that they would teaching kids this stuff at their most malleable point in life. this is definately true, but i think the reason we cringe at the idea is because we think of it as 1) worst case scenario: teachers focusing on gay marraige more than traditional marraige and 2) it's not traditional, it's not what we're used to, it's not what we were taught, and it's true to say that we do not adapt well with change. do you really think teachers are going to go out of their way to try to influence your kids to marry their own sex. they're not going to make it a mission to turn these kids out. i'm thinking that they'll tell them it's an option and leave it at that, just because it's a law. and i think if people fear a law like that, they need to re-evaluate their own parental skills. as the strongest role models in their own kids lives, i would think they have the most influence towards their child's preferences. in the end, i'm not going to vote either way. it's basically coming down to this: follow the religion they taught me, or keep my belief that one should find love where they find it.

ok, i don't want to talk about politics anymore. like really. so you know how everyone has their drunk habits? i think mine is waking up really early in full energy. there's those times where everyone is syncronized an we all just wake up at the same time and start talking. then there's those times where only i wake up, and everyone else is still knocked. when that happens i tend to flee from battle and go driving, which was no different this morning. i think i was woken up like 10 times within 30 minutes by my bro's phone. the whole time i'm thinking 'got damn somebody really wants to talk to him, they needa calm down it is 7am'. i did realize how annoying the at&t ringtone is after hearing it in heavy rotation. now i sit hear with absolutely nothing to do, my ds is charging, i'm done blogging. no work today, i wanna go see this vampire movie, but i don't know who to go with or what time i should go. it's only playing in west hollywood and pasadena and i don't particularly feel like driving all the way out there just for the movie cuz i have no problem going alone. maybe i'll muster up the will power to green-blue-red-gold line it there.

citation.

2008-10-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

i like how i kind of just put a limit on my life. i have about 45 years, tops, left to live. ive requested to about 6 people that if i get any older they need to kill me. one person relunctantly said ok, hopefully they can pull it off. ive already mentioned that i dont want to get old in another post, but my desires have grown even more of a spinal cord. today i interned at a convalescent home. i officially have a reason to die early. god forbid i end up in one of those. half of them were depressed or bed ridden. there was one guy who kept trying to ask me if i took the phone from him, wtf, who are you? and there was another guy in a wheelchair sitting at a corner, facing the same position for the whole time i was there. i was there for 5 hours. can u imagine sitting in one place for 5 hours straight?? he did not have a gameboy or ipod, fuck that. i'm probably going to hell, huh? i might try to work there though, full time job cooking job, small kitchen pretty much all to myself. lots of work, but i love the sound of it. if the petite chicas at the last hospital i worked at can i do why can't i?

coheed & cambria is officially like the sickest rock band since 2002. fuck limp bizkit. fuck soad, fuck linkin park. not really cuz i love those bands too, but seriously? check out coheed & cambria. they can literally influence you to get yourself a speeding citation. for reals, i would know. funny part is i wasn't even mad about it. weird part is my mom wasnt even mad about it.

i think im writing lyrics again, just finished a sexy rhyme to 'girls all around the world' [lloyd.lil wayne]. complete with army fatigue-like punchlines. explaining them felt like a college english class when you have a discussion to analyze elements in one of those classic books like the great gatsby or somthin. i guess im just that great :D

i'm having fun rebuilding my music collection. i got flyleaf's entire album, and they are officially my favorite female singer rock band. i got discographies from paramore, evanescence, coheed & cambria, and dragonforce. i got a couple backyard babies cd's, colbie callait [shut the hell up], a clash cd, the poison cd that has my song: talk dirty to me, and a beastie boys cd. i can't wait to learn all the lyrics to the beastie boys cd, so i can bump it on the street rapping with it. tell me that wouldn't weird you out. it seems i'm definately straying away from hip-hop... but i kinda don't need more hip-hop, i have complete discographies of nas, krayzie bone, and lupe fiasco. i don't need much more than that.

i think i'll go to church tonite, i need it.

delete.

2008-10-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

i have a dare for you. delete your music collection.

there's been a couple times where i've had huge music collections on my computer. and what happens is that for whatever reasons my computer crashes and i have to get a new one or restore it, thus causing me to lose amounts of music that can be played non-stop for about 2 weeks straight. the thing is, however, that everytime i've had to rebuild my collection, it came back better than ever. so i feel like doing it again, cept it'll be my fault this time. you should try it though. i'm pretty much gonna delete everything but about 10%-15% of my total which will compensate for the songs i kno i'll never find again, and my instrumentals. should be fun.

fuel.

2008-10-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

i think i'm ready to start over. with everything. i've already started a new school, i'm supposed to be getting a new job, so why not start everything else over. i'm really thinking of severing ties to virtually all my old aquaintances/friends. of course there's a handful i'd still chill with, but other than that i'm failing to see the point of the others being in my life. i mean these are people i hardly talk to, and rekindling old relationships does not work. it's not my style to randomly hit people up when i need a favor, so do you see a point? i really think im at the end of a three-way road, the light is green so i have to hurry and pick the next road to drive down. i need to meet new people, try new things. these thoughts are really random. like, i randomly feel unappreciated, and it's fueling most of my drive to say and consider these things. the rest of that fuel would be provided by the notion that it'd be fun to sever myself from the world. maybe i should delete or change passwords to myspace/facebook. maybe i should get out bed and do some interacting with the world so i wont feel so negative. i kinda wanna blame this on nick and nora's infinite playlist; i saw it last nite and for some reason i'm jealous. it was like the movie brown sugar, where people fall in love mostly through the influence of music. this is kinda one of the things i want. fuck this sounds gay.

alaska.

2008-10-12T20:41:00.000-07:00

i learned a lot last night. negatives: people really are assholes, i'm not enough of an asshole, and i can drink as much as i want as long as i do not sit down. positives: so far i can attest to being immune to the hangover, i will actually look forward to the morning after [not talking about "sexy times"*], and i have great friends.

so i did my second bartending gig last night. it was the mansion party we had long anticipated since the last one a couple months ago. it was funny because s.p. called me while i was at work to tell me that they caught a praying mantis and put it on my bar, and to make up a drink named after the praying mantis. then they proceeded to smoke out the mantis. i'm like wtf, how random can you get?? i did the damn thing though, made up a pretty bomb drink that everybody loved. i'm not telling you what it is though, but it was a bright green mix dubbed "faded mantis." i had the bar for 3 hours, and its pretty chill, besides getting no breaks. the only thing is people tend to not have any freaking manners. i had a couple people start trying to help themselves, cuz i'm apparently just standing behind the bar for fun. i had a couple people try to bullshit me into giving them free drinks after the designated time for free drinks was over. and what's worse, i caught a couple people with their hands in my tip jar. after all this, i figure if i continue to do bartending, i need to start being more of an asshole because these kids can't seem to grasp the concept of respect. maybe next time i'll be all "if i find your hand in my jar again i will fucking murder you." serious face :| you know what else pissed me off?? i had a chicken sandwhich, which somebody bought me before the party even started. i didn't get the time to eat it, but when i went to get it around 1.30am, it wasn't there. somebody ate my gotdamn chicken sandwhich! i never get to eat before/during a party, it's my curse. next time somebody puts their hand on my food, i will kill that mofo.

you ever go to sleep in a warm house and when you wake up and it's freaking alaska in that bitch? i don't know what happened but i had a wifebeater, a shirt, and a thick jacket on when i went to sleep, and somehow they completely lost their functionality. other than that waking up was fun, i spent the night at the house with a handful of other guests and hosts and we all woke up at the same time. i thought this whole period of time was very interesting. you know how everyone gets pretty much blowed the night before, go to sleep tired as hell, then wake up 4 hours later like somebody i.v.'d a couple monster energy drinks into their bloodstreams? so we spent maybe an hour sitting around having random conversations about nothing important, and now i have this kind-of question: wouldn't you think that you'd have the most interesting conversations while your actually drunk rather than when you're not? because this morning we talked about things even more odd than during the actual party. i'm starting to think it's because when we're not under the influence, or at least not as much, we actually have the mental capacity to expand on the nonsense that leaves our mouths. it's like having a political discussion about the party but with numerous added tangents. it sounds retarded i know, but next time you go to a party/kickback and people stay the night, you stay the night too and in the morning witness my theory at work.

oh, and thanks to you guys who came out. i honestly didn't expect so many of my friends to show up. i feel appreciated :D

*credits to Dope Like Louboutins :D

mantids.

2008-10-09T17:01:00.000-07:00

i talk too much.

it feels good though, you know, to have something to write about for three days straight. and i don't think the streak stops after this. tomorrow i'll have something to blog about, same with saturday. only thing is that i probably won't have time to write on saturday, but whatever.

i was feeling pretty crappy last nite, i'll explain in tomorrow's post. but today i feel a lot better. the day went overall well even though i still have 6 hours and 56 minutes to fuck it up. everything kind of resolved myself, and now i don't have an overload of my own seemingly heavy thoughts.

my "seth rogen from kung fu panda"'s hatched finally. i thought i'd be waiting until spring, but guess not. i have yet to see them fight but i see some bodies laying around.

i was thinking about how i don't want to grow old again. i know i sounds weird but i'm just not feeling it. of course i'm happy for everyone who's made it 50+ years, but as of right now, it's not for me. maybe in a few years i'll actually look forward to living a long life with grandchildren and convalescent homes. but for now i'm thinking of making it to about 40-45 years, then i'll invest in that ostrich or other potentially dangerous animal i've always wanted. then someday, in reference to me, someone will say "things happen," and make this face: =/

i like this quote: "and believe me, in every man there's a code written that says: tackle drunk bitches.' [40-year-old virgin] i have a mission for next wednesday damnit! only i'm not after a literally "drunk bitch", or a "bitch"... ok fuck it nevermind.

watermelon.

2008-10-08T19:24:00.000-07:00

so i lied. im going to blog today instead of tomorrow, or maybe ill do both. my reason for writing today was put on by this dream i had last nite. i have wierd dreams simply put. but this was fucked up. not bad fucked up but like i took pcp and went to sleep fucked up. i probably forgot half of it though but here's what i remember:

i'm at some random social event which was located at 32nd usc magnet, my old middle school. but it wasn't the school; instead of the concrete and rails and building, there were white fences and grassy hills. gay right? i was more focused on the shrine auditorium down the street so thats how i know where i was. so there were a lot of black people there conversing about this and that. meanwhile, im running and jumping around like a little kid, i felt short too so im guessing i literally was a little kid. so after my immature free running session i end up outside of the gay school area and im running down the street. i finally come up to this hansel and gretel-esque house that has, instead of candy, has a lot of different fruits growing in the front yard. there's like bananas, apples, grapes, watermelons, mangos, etc. i continue walking and i see this bright, full-colored watermelon, and i could tell it was going to be the best watermelon ever grown. so for some reason, i have to have it. so i snatch it off its vine and start running like crazy back to my car around the corner from the shrine. now that i think about it i feel like a squirrel instead of that little kid from before that little heist. you know squirrels hoard their food in the jaws? i did that with a freaking watermelon, except i started to eat it too. the rind was really thin though, but it was the best watermelon ever grown. now as it sinks in, im thinking about it, and why the hell did it have to be a watermelon? of all the fruits growing at that house i had to pick up that one. i really like mangos more. i like bananas more, as long as they're green still. maybe my subconcious pcp-influenced mind wanted to remind me that im still black. anyway, my second dream wasn't as weird but i didn't like it because it ended with me getting cockblocked twice :/

question: ever wonder what your body or the environment around it is doing during your sleep and how it influences your dreams? after last night i'm really curious.

charger.

2008-10-06T23:58:00.000-07:00

so i either slowed down or time has went too fast. i def need to keep up with my posting. i think i have a lot to talk about, or at least i think i have a lot i could talk about. who knows.

i haven't told a radioshack story in a minute, so maybe i'll start with a couple. i think it was last week when i witnessed the most ignorant guy, in existence, in action. so i'm probably standing around doing nothing, my boss is talking to this lady about her phone or somethin. so, this guy walks in almost yelling "i need to pay my bill!," completely interrupting the ongoing conversation. my boss points out that he was in the middle of a conversation so the guy says "ok fine i'll come back when somebody else is here," you know, cuz i'm obviously a ghost and shit. so the lady is nice enough to let him get his bill paid, but the whole time my boss is trying to find out everything he needs to know about what's being paid for, because contrary to popular belief, we have like 5 different bills that can be paid there. i mean seriously people get mad when i ask "what kind of bill are you paying?" and they reply with an attitude "radioshack, what else? this is radioshack right?" and then i reply "we can pay your [nigga phone], the radioshack credit card, dish network, sprint, and reload prepaid credit cards [you stupid asshole]." and yes, i just couched that quote, because i didn't say that exactly. and yes, i got A's in english class. anyway, the whole time this guy is yelling while my boss is calm and talking to him. finally, my boss goes "look, i'm trying to help-" "look man i just wanna pay my bill!" exclaims ignoramus (remind me not to use that word again, i don't like it). so my boss gives him back the money, tells him to leave and have a good day. i'm thinking this guy could not already get any louder, but he pretty much explodes and gets all gangster and in his face yelling stuff like "you little bitch!" and "you fat motherfucker!" at this point, we both start to laugh a little at his reaction, and like always, this seems to excite them a little more. i think the funniest thing this guy yelled was asking what time my boss got off work and following that up with "i'll lay you out in this parking lot." finally he leaves and we can hear him maybe a block away still expressing his ignorant feelings. i kinda feel sorry for the guy that was with him; you could tell this guy had some sense, so imagine having to walk around with a stupid fuck like that guy all day.

saturday was interesting too. i'm at work and this girl comes in and tells me how her phone died and she needs me to charge it for her so she can call her friend to get picked up. so we don't charge peoples phones because of responsibility issues if something were to happen. i tell her i can't charge her phone. and she says "well if i were to buy the charger, cash and everything, could you charge it a little bit?" and i say no. so she says she wants to buy the charger anyway, so i go to look for the charger. unfortunately we sold out of the chargers, so i try to explain that to her. so i'm thinking she understands that, then she asks if there's something that can charge her phone while she's walking. we do have that, but it's also sold out. so i tell her unless she wants to go to another store to pick it up then there's nothing i can do. so she asks if i could check if we have any more chargers, cuz i didn't just tell her we sold out. then she reverts back to the "so if i were to buy it cash, you're gonna tell me that you don't have a charger." and i revert back to "we sold out." then she takes a couple more steps back into the convo and asks if i could charge her phone. and i proceed with "how [the hell] am i going to charge your phone if i don't have the charger to even sell to you?" aaand then we spend like 30 minutes repeating the same questions and answers in little circles. i swear the conversation looked like the freaking olympic games logo. i'm wtf, are you really that retarded??

that chick from 40-year-old virgin is hot. trish's daughter, you know. i'm watching it right now for the second time all the way through, i think just because i can. i've been saying "for sho" just because of steve carrell. i used to hate that saying.

i've been drawing a lot lately. thursday night i stayed up til 5 in the morning drawing a picture of 'seras victoria' of the hellsing manga. saturday nite and all sunday i drew and inked 'c.c.' of the code geass anime. google em since you probably have no idea who the hell i'm talking about. anyways, my drawings came out sexy. i'm proud of myself. i need to get one of them framed so i can hang it up and show off a lil.

i have more to talk about, but i'll wait til about thursday. it'd be better that way.

calories.

2008-09-23T22:51:00.000-07:00

let's see.

i don't know what's happening. it feels like time has been moving faster than it should. i haven't posted in 9 days, and it feels more like it's been 2 or 3 weeks. it's the third day of the week and i feel like it's already over. i think i know where this feeling comes from. the only thing is that i have two different possibilities. first, i'm tired. second, i've been thinking too much into the distant future about little things: due dates, work schedule, money. i'm liking that 'live today like it's your last' idea, but the line is very thin, making it difficult to distinguish wreckless from carefree. of course, i hold more indifference than the average bear, but it doesn't hold the same joys as being carefree. i'm not happy. at the same time, i'm not sad, angry, dissappointed. i'm bored.

looking into the distant future, however, i see good things coming. after this week my homework load won't be so overwhelming. i mean even though it's not a lot of work, i went for a year with no homework in culinary school, so it takes adjusting. i should also be getting my scholarship check from my church within the next week or two, which will reimburse the 400+ dollars i spent on this semester at school.

school is weird. i have no friends, i'm just gonna throw that out there immediately. i've always went to new schools and classes with the mentality that i'm not here to meet people, but i'm here to just do class and leave. normally i start out ok, then i end up befriending classmates or maybe even seeing someone i've already known. this situation is actually different. once again, i'm pretty much the only person my age, so even if i conversate with some classmates from time to time, i doubt i'll ever actually befriend them. normally black people end up grouping together, but i doubt i'm going to do that. there's this one chick as a matter of fact who comments on every single thing somebody says trying to make a joke or just to be an asshole. i don't know if she's trying to be funny or what, but it's gotten old and she's just coming off as ignorant. whatever. i miss culinary school. i miss highschool. people my age i could relate to and have fun with. how do i end up having to go through this?

i figured out, actually i confirmed, why i've been the same weight for the past 2 years. i'm not eating enough. i thought i ate a lot. i should keep tracking my diet to really make sure this is the case, but that's what i noticed. it's not like i'm missing just a little bit of calories, i'm missing like 40% of what i actually need. man.

i'm done with this post. i really didn't want to write rite now anyway, but i figured i'd never get around to it otherwise :/

actually, one more thing: metro station. it's funny what music i listen to sometimes. i really like this group tho, it's like pop/electro-ish, just check out kelsey and shake it.

excuses.

2008-09-14T22:59:00.000-07:00

just a quik rhyme.

i am the palm that reached out for your guidance
my inarticulate speech only gets me denied
its just the simple fact that i tried once
that gets me by on this hunch
i can get high on my blunts
it's all i could ever want
cuz as a child i was really a liar
i never wanted to be a doctor, teach, or fight fires
just wanna blame my boss for bein racist every time i get fired
never finish school for there's no goal to which i aspire
let the government that doesn't support me, support me
turn that attitude towards my child that absolutely abhors me
and blame it on my father who was never there for me
for i have no control over a fate set before me...

i'm probably an asshole for tagging this under 'black people' (not to generalize cuz i surely don't mean all)... but sheesh tell me i'm wrong.

voodoo.

2008-09-08T16:45:00.000-07:00

downtime.

i kept up with my internet course. i played mariokart wii. i do not like taking internet courses. they're easy and yeah you don't have to go anywhere. but you tend to forget about them if you're me. good thing nothing was due until wednesday, but at least i kno i have a test thursday. i wonder how easy it will be to cheat. or will it be timed so i don't have enough time to look up answers. i'm not saying i'm set on cheating, but it sounds like a take-home test. well i am taking it at home i guess..

so ever since my first stencil i've been doing more and more. every day this weekend i made a new one. friday i made a paper plane for our logo. saturday i drew my glasses with a bullet hole through a lens, when the shirt is out of the dryer i'll take a pic and post it. it's nice. sunday i challenged my limits. i have this jack sparrow keychain thats made out of cheap cloth and yarn, kinda looks like a voodoo doll. i drew it out and turned it into a stencil. mind you it took me more than a hour to cut every shape out, but it was well worth it. i sprayed it white onto a vintage black thermal sweater. that pic will be posted at the end. this got me thinking, i love stenciling. this is like my anti-drug, or my new drug. it's funny how i started with art when i was a little kid, went to an art highschool, etc. i did not want to be an artist however. i went to culinary school, that's an art, but it's different from what i didn't want to be. now that i picked up stenciling and fashion, however, i'm realizing that this is just one of my things. i don't think there's gonna be any running from it.

bacteria.

2008-08-30T22:25:00.000-07:00

la quiero this weekend.

i'm really tired rite now. i woke up at 8.30am today, after going to sleep at 5.30am today. i think many people can relate when i say i kinda want to be a bartender. i'm sure at some point in your life, you've thought about it. i don't know if you've ever had the experience before, but it is fun. it's just like cooking but it's all liquid; i honestly think i had an advantage over the situation by having culinary experience. it's probably not an obvious connection i'm trying to make, but picture it as this: in school you develop the skill to properly blend and create new flavors in a both intelligent and innovative way. i think i applied that very well to the job last nite. also, it's pretty cool to be in the position where you have to interact with everyone. sadly i remember no names besides from people i've met before, a guy named kirby, and a guy named panda. i discovered procrastinating tippers. these are the ones that swear they're gonna get you some tips, you're refilling their drink every 15 minutes, and your jar has that two dollars from before that guy even got there lol. i did get a lot of compliments however, and i think they were sincere. i mean it could of just been them saying things to be nice or to earn my respect because im technically a man of power with every drink at the tip of my hands. but i realized that wasn't too much of the case since even when i took a break and the homie filled in for me, they were tryin to get me back to work. can't wait for the next one, next month. ask about me.

i really meant "ask about it," but i was thinking about the cassidy song. where is that guy anyway? where are a lot of people? i could generate a long list of popular artists that appear to be m.i.a. right now. speaking of m.i.a., i want an english chick lol. i actually wanted to comment on kanye's "swagger like us", a sample of her song "paper planes." speaking of paper planes, i still want to see pineapple express again. i need to get that on bootleg, so any of my niggas out there, hook it up, no offense lol. speaking of pineapple express, forgetting sarah marshall (related by the type of movie and recurring characters) is coming out on dvd this month. not to mention there will be a special package released: 40-year-old virgin, knocked up, and forgetting sarah marshall. when i saw this on the target website, i literally said "back, the, fuck, up," these are all the movies i need. speaking of backing up, did i just hear bizzarre of d12 on a natasha bedingfield song?? maybe i'm the only one who thinks that's a little random if not weird. i just got three of her cds tho, i like her stuff a lot except i'm really not in the mood for uplifting, having something to say songs at this particular moment. but check out "we're all mad."

i may continue. sleepiness to me is a like a brain-dwelling bacteria that slowly ferments my short-term memory, thus preventing me from blogging about literally half the stuff i think i thought of earlier.

[edit.]

fuck it, i just pre-ordered that dvd set. should be a nice suprise, it doesn't release until the end of the month so i'm sure i'll forget about it.

oatmeal.

2008-08-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

a growing theory of mine was proved to me today. i have to make new friends. i mean a few of the ones i have now are cool, but my aquaintances, the people i'm cool with but don't talk to often, i don't see that changing at all. my theory is that if you're a very quiet person and keep to yourself most of the time, like i was and am still growing out of, people are used to that so it's likely you don't converse or hang with them a lot. of course there are exceptions, which would count for the ones you call real friends. but what happens when you start to break out of your shell? i always thought this was the case, and reading what someone wrote today about one of my friends that share a similar personality with me reassured it: people will not adapt to your change so easily. they may find it weird that you are not the same quiet person. or they may think you are not who they know you are, so it's like you're trying to be someone else. whatever the reason, they will keep their distance from you instead of welcoming your more sociable self. i have tried to make some of the relationships i have with people better by talking more, but it doesn't work because that's not what they're used to. i'm not going to go back to being quiet just for them.. so it'll be better for me to just leave it as is and make new friends. sucks but whatever.

i'm making oatmeal rite now, well i just finished. why did i have to go online to look up how to cook this crap?? cuz it just so happens that my mom put the oatmeal in one of those containers that you put stuff in (shut up lol) and threw the box away with the instructions. i'm sorry i don't know the ratio of water to oatmeal off the top of my head.

tomorrow will be the first day this week i don't have to drive to school thank god.

physical.

2008-08-19T17:53:00.001-07:00

[4.25 pm] i'm sitting in the waiting room lakeside building at kaiser permanente waiting to take a tb test that i need results for tomorrow.. yeah.. i'm mad that when i called to schedule it they thought i said STD test. after i corrected the lady, she told me i don't have an assigned doctor anymore and that i need to go take a physical. i'm thinking that this is the last thing on my agenda right now, but she tells me that if i can make it to the building before 4.30 i can take it. it was 3.45, i was in long beach and kaiser is on the other side of los angeles. i had to bust a mission. i can consider yesterday my practice: i drove from long beach city college to the del amo mall in less than 20 minutes to catch tropic thunder. i made it at the last preview and now i'm under the presumption that toby mcguire is playing a gay guy in his next role. i mean i could be wrong but when you walk in late on a preview you don't ever know what to think. now i'm sitting in the nurses office in the lakeside building at kaiser perma... ok nevermind they took care of me. So now I get to go home and look at this bump and register for classes. i'll finish later, i'm texting my blog. i hope this uploads...

[5.40pm] ok, it uploaded. just had to edit a little. i think i'm going to like my new school a lot more than trade tech. for one, i can pay for my parking pass before anything else. at trade tech you had to pay for classes before you could get a pass which was pretty gay. second, there is a much larger percentage of good looking girls. lastly, and most interestingly, the place is infested with rabbits. it's really, they just lay around all day in public. they're not really scared of the people that come around either. it gave me an idea: when i have my own house, i want a huge backyard with a few trees. i'll buy a few animals and just let em live back there like the rabbits do. back to the school... i'm tired. i've been driving back and forth all week to take care of random stuff, and i'm still not done. i need to get registered for three more classes, get my dietetic uniform, and get books.

i just noticed that writing a blog tends to make me talk about simple things in the longest possible way. i'd be annoyed with myself if i had all this stuff to say when i started talking.

so the dummy phone bum came back today :D. weird thing though, he was all nice and calm and stuff. i was trying not to laugh though cause i was thinking about last week, or whenever that crap happened. i forget.

i want a Samsung Instinct now. i'm really only excited about being able to choose which voicemail you want to listen to instead "you have, four unheard messages... first message, sent at... second message...". one day.

market.

2008-08-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

the left side of my body is pain. i was outside skating for the first time in forever. contrary to you may have just assumed, my body does not hurt from skating. it hurts because of my dog. i was playing with him in between practicing my ollie (cuz that's all i can really do beside that one shuv-it i did). i think he got jealous of my awesome speed when i was racing him. i say this because while i was running the second time he was behind me on my right side, then he jumps to my left and before i know it my left leg kicks into the air in front of me sending my body into a spiral straight to the ground. sadly, the falling wasn't the embarassing part; i didn't just hit the ground, the momentum in my body was built up in such a way the upon hitting the concrete, i began to roll up the small slope in the backyard. i'm not mad at my dog for being a hater though, it was fun. the fall didn't hurt but it's just that my left side stings like hell.

i like going the market. i don't know if it's because going helps you gain responsibility and you learn to recognize what you need in the house, or if it's the fact i just love food. but this whole week we had almost nothing in the house to eat, for me at least. i can't make omelettes and grilled cheese every night. last night i did make some shrimp alfredo with spaghetti noodles instead of fettucine, but it was great. but i was really limited by food choices and laziness this week. i don't really eat pork and that like pretty much the only meat in the fridge besides from some chicken that was on its third week of citizenship. and i was out of tea. but i fixed those problems today. i got a grip of pasta for emergencies like this last week, and got some more green tea so i'm good. i'm really mad though because when we were getting in line to pay this lady was doing her floaty dance in the middle of two lanes trying to see which one was going faster. so i was like hell nah and i just got in one of the lines while she was closer to the other line. she looked at me all pissed off. and i looked back at her like wtf old lady go do your floaty dance somewhere else, nobody got time for that.

procrastination is nothing to play with. because i did, school starts tomorrow and i'm not registered, i don't even know what classes i'm taking because of classes i took at trade tech. transferring is a bitch.

so i think i'm gonna start rebuilding my videogame collection. it won't be like new games, more like my personal classics. i know everybody has certain games they used to play years ago and wouldn't mind reliving that. plus they're gonna be hella cheap for the most part so y not. here's my list of collected classics so far:

-gamecube:

-soul caliber 2
-super smash bros. melee
-legend of zelda: the wind waker
-sonic adventure 2: battle
-pikmin 2

-playstation 2:

-rock band
-splinter cell: double agent
-final fantasy x
-devil may cry 3: special edition
-okami
-tony hawk's pro skater 3
-armored core 2

-playstation:

-final fantasy viii
-final fantasy ix
-final fantasy chronicles
-the legend of dragoon
-the misadventures of tron bonne

-nintendo 64:

-super smash bros.
-007: goldeneye
-perfect dark
-super mario kart 64

fairytale.

2008-08-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

i blame sara bareilles for this.

you ever think about how when you were little and all those stories they told you, you believed, or at least never questioned. now that we, well most of us, know better, you ever go back to those stories and question them? i'll start with cinderella, that sounds like a night on e and you wake up hungover and missing a shoe. it would make more sense if cinderella were a guy though, cuz then the princess (formely known as the prince) could hunt him down to let him know she's pregnant. i feel bad for repunzel... how do you have somebody climb your own hair? doesn't that hurt? and every story with a witch... didn't they used to hunt them down and kill them back then? well this has gone on too long.

glasses.

2008-08-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

yesterday was one of the better fridays, except for the morning. i woke up earlier so i could make waffles for breakfast and found out we didn't have even one egg; i had to eat frosted flakes. not that there's anything wrong with frosted flakes, but when you were planning on having homemade waffles instead frosted flakes can suck one.

i got my new glasses finally. nobody's gonna steal these while im working. well i just won't take them to work.

i had pinkberry for the first time in my life. i admit it was good, but i don't see why people treat it like it's crack. i remember when they first opened i thought it was a club or kick-it spot the way people were talking about "i gotta go to pinkberry's tonight" and whatnot. everybody's been telling me they're gonna take me and i was never enthusiastic about it. but yesterday my sis took me to the one she works at so i finally got to see what the hype was about.

you ever notice that any time u go to the beach, no matter what you do: swim, play, lay down, you always leave exhausted? i went after pinkberries with my sis and we just chilled for a bit. it was cool since i haven't seen her in a minute so we got to catch up and share stories about how stupid and/or anal and/or retarded our customers can get. all the houses at hermosa beach are all completely different. it's just crazy how freaking rich these people are/were to have their house built how they want. i want that, not to be rich, but i want to design my own house. so there's this guy that live off the beach that waters his windows, just thought i'd mention that. he doesn't have much grass to water so i guess something has to make up for it, right? i swear i saw a bear at the beach, that's all im gonna say.

forget pinkberry, in n out is crack. i passed by one on the way home and had to stop. i eat too much, except for today. i had a banana and some donuts.

i'm mad i went to a pretty good party last nite, but i couldn't get into it. i don't know if it was because my knees hurt, or because i was tired, or because it was like an oven in there. it's my homie's bday today so ushered it in the correct way. it was pretty chill tho, just next time i hope i can loosen up like normal. i like how the party migrated to a denny's 10 miles away from the spot. and it kinda sucks how when you're at the party and it's dark and whatnot so you don't really know what everybody looks like. thank God i didn't try to get a number...

i finally found out what that song was called: Spaceships In Bankhead w/ Jeezy. that mess is fresh.

weathered.

2008-08-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

i love m.i.a.'s 'paper planes'. makes we want to get high. too bad i don't do that. last nite i saw pineapple express at the midnight premiere. never order tickets online, you do not want to deal with it. for one they charge a dollar extra for every ticket as a surcharge. for two, in my situation i had to pay 69 bucks to reserve 6 tickets for me and my friends. now somehow i ended up paying 16 dollars to see this movie; do the math. that sucked, but the movie was great. you just have to see it. i'll probably end up seeing it again though, so worth it.

i'm praying that my ability to apply and dedicate myself greatly multiplies in power..

did i mention i love my job? i'm positive many people would hate my job for the very same reasons i like it. you that point in life when you have nothing to really talk about? like you don't have any stories to add to the convo? pretty boring, rite? ever since i started working at radioshack i've been rapidly building up random tales to be shared. today by itself brought three interesting customers.

first one. this lady comes in my store to put money on her nigga phone. so, as always, i ask how much they said to put on the phone. she tells me 63.06. and ntoe this is similar to a bill, so if you don't pay the whole thing your service is interrupted. so i tell her that her total will be 66.56. for some reason she says "no, you need to take somethin off cuz that don't sound right." and i tell her that we charge 3.50 to process payments (so obviously 63.06 plus 3.50 equals 66.56). now she's insisting that isn't right, and i'm over here trying to recalculate in case i'm wrong. i wasn't, i added right the first time, and she's over here trippin out. so i explain to her again that 63.06, the amount she told me she owes, plus the 3.50 we charge, is equal to 66.56. so she proceeds say: "no i'm only gonna put 63 dollars then." so then i say "ok, so 66.50..." she's perfectly fine with that. so i'm looking at my boss and co-worker like wtf... this lady's really tripping over 6 centavos, and it's not like she didn't have it, but i guess.

second one. this bu- weathered man, to be nice, came in looking for headphones so i show him what we had. and i know i'm messed up but i show him the 10 dollar ones assuming he doesn't want to pay that much for em. and i was right, he's up here complaining that they cost too much and in my head i'm like "man black people be cheap sometimes". so he walks away and i let him be. he goes to the phone section and starts going through his stuff but it looked like he was trying to hide something with the way he turned his back. he pulls out this little pink razr-looking demo phone, you know the ones that have the screen posted on so it looks like its in the middle of something but you know it's completely plastic?, like those. he goes up to my boss and asks if we can activate it. my boss tells him its fake and it's really nothing but trash, so this bum gets mad and throws the phone on the ground and walks out. i pick up the phone and throw it in the trash. maybe two minutes later, he comes storming back in looking for it. so my boss asks me where i put it, and everybody in store (two customers, my co-worker, boss, and me) knows what's up already, so smiling i say "i threw it away." so he's mad and says he wants his phone back, so my boss picks up the trashcan and says "i'm not going to go in the trash to get it so if you want it you get it." so the bum goes for it then storms out once again. then he opts to mean-mug my boss from outside the store for like 10 minutes.

third. this guy comes in looking for a phone charger. he's an asshole, i just don't know why yet. i show him the charger and it's 30 bucks. and of course i don't expect anybody to buy a phone charger for 30 bucks, that is expensive. he also needed an ipod charger, but he's an idiot because he can't tell a ipod from a completely different mp3 player. but i tell him he can get both chargers he needs for 30-40 bucks cuz they're universal so the more things you need the charger for the more you get out of your money. the whole time i'm trying to explain things to him he has this condescending look on his face like he knows everything. so i just look past that, i ring up the charger for him, and he asks to see the headphones and i point to the wall next to the counter. he's like "behind the register??" and i say no. and he says "yes it is because it behind the register" while making hand gestures that the register/counter stands farther out than the wall. now realizing this guy is a stupid asshole, i see that he's trying to also be a smart-ass by speaking technically when anybody else would stand "behind the counter" as directly bhind the counter. so i tell him "whatever, you can still walk there." so he goes, takes a look for a minute, then starts to walk out. he left the stuff he just bought on the counter, and being nice, i call him back and say "do you want your stuff?" so i guess out his embarrassment, he has to be an asshole again. so he has the nerve to say "well you're already supposed to have that bagged up for me. when you ring me up and gave the reciept it's supposed to all ready for me, right? so it's your fault right?" and i'm looking at him like he's stupid, but i'm not gonna argue with him cuz it's a waste of time so i'm blowing him off like "ok, whatever." so leaves and my boss, who was standing there the whole time, is like "why do ignorant fuckers always come here?" and tells me if somebody acts like that just give them their money back and tell em to leave. sooo with that permission i'm starting being an ass back to people. mostly because that somehow pissed me off, i want him to come back because i have a conversation for him already haha. asshole.

now that think about it, headphones bring me not so good luck :/

brrrrrr.

2008-08-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

don't you love those songs that make you wonder where hip-hop has lost its way but at the same time they make you act up at a party/club/gala event? i think it's fair to be hypocritical sometimes.

i miss chappelle's show. i had the first 2 seasons on dvd but i can't find either and it makes me sad. i wanna see general cornrow wallace, and "i'm from the streets man! g-g-g-g-g-g-g-unit!", and "ay chad, i had sex with katie too, mayne... katie has some big ass tittays". that guy was great.

i do not like the first of the month. it gets super busy as work. normally i like dealing with my customers, or laughing at them, but the increase just makes it annoying. what can i do, people like to buy crap they don't need, and pay for those nigga phones hahaha.

hmm i don't have much else to say. i want to see pineapple express tho!

lions.

2008-07-30T18:39:00.000-07:00

[dated 07.28.2008]

so i'm writing this while my internet is taking an unauthorized nap. for some reason it feels weird typing it up on wordpad, i normally only use this program to write lyrics. i know that doesn't explain why it feels weird.

i finally washed the rabbit today. it looks beautiful, its coat is all shiny now. sad part is by tomorrow its most likely going to be dirty again. don't you hate when you're washing your car, you get to the windows and think its all good, only to find them blurred with a weird effect that turns your windshield into the fucking aurora borealis when the sun hits it?

i just got home from ditching class to hang with the homegirl. i finally saw batman. first of all, shut up. and second, you notice that nobody calls it the dark knight? i just got through telling my bro yesterday that this was one of those movies where the title has nothing to do with the actual movie, and making 'the dark knight' the last words in the movie means nothing. it was a really good movie though. i was drawn into the whole thing until batman spoke. was he that mad in the first movie? who was he so angry at that he had to use that voice all the time? morgan freeman was/is a g. i think alina is right about the penguin, and i figured out two-face pretty early and im pretty proud of that. i didn't think he'd actually appear in the movie though. after some thought, however, this movie was just like spiderman 3, the layout was. you think the movies are over at a certain point but they go on, they introduced like 12 more villains in the last 30 minutes in both movies, harry got half his face blown up and harvey got half his face burned up, and in spiderman everybody cried and in batman everybody was angry.

lions are sick. i'm talking about the band though. screw the animal, it's all about foxes, and ostriches, and rabbits. speaking of animals, i feel like a pig. yesterday i ate so much: cereal in the morning, animal-style fries (which i'm suprised didn't kill me with the cheese and all), a double meat burger, biscuits, chicken all between about 2pm and 5pm, then a veggie omelette, hashbrowns, and pancakes before i went to bed. when i woke up, my stomach was growling.

i wasnt crazy. i thought this orange juice ive been drinking all last week looked a little strange. the thing is, though, it wasnt expired. it looked kind of pastel-ish, i mean i dont know if there was too calcium in the area or what, but i didn't think it was normal. also, it didnt taste normal. but i had the hardest time distinguishing it from my memory of regular orange juice. the only reason i drank the whole carton was to get to the one my mom just bought so i could find out if i was losing it. looking at the content of my terentino-style paragraph, the result is obvious.

i don't know if you go to church or not. but is it normal for people to draw out their discussions farther than everyone knows they should? i guess at my church it is. people talk way more than they need to sometimes. im not saying the things they say or mean are wrong or bad or anything, but sometimes they go too far. it just makes them sound funny. like yesterday (although it might not be 'yesterday' since i cant post damnit!) im at church, and this lady compared humpty dumpty to how it sometimes feel like you're broken into many pieces and only God can put you back together. they way i described that was pretty simple and you get the message behind that, rite? so instead of something similar to that, this opts to tell the entire story of humpty dumpty so enthusiasticly that it turned into an epic novel, then compared it to God putting your life back together. all im saying is 5 minutes couldve been 5 seconds. sorry, i just have somthing against wasted time and pointless actions.

headphones.

2008-07-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

so i did the smart thing to do and left my computer on all nite to allow a full torrent file of 40-year-old virgin to save itself to my computer. i will see that movie damnit.

i watched the 'Black In America' movie. i kno it's not a movie but come on that ish was 2 hours long. i guess it was interesting to see different perspectives and beliefs about the nature, habits, and thoughts of and towards our people. i figure when my mom asks me if i watched it i'll say exactly that and only that. i don't have any follow up comments, not to my suprise.

[edit 07.26.08]

i watched the 'Black In America' movie. i kno it's not a movie but come on that ish was 2 hours long. i guess it was interesting to see different perspectives and beliefs about the nature, habits, and thoughts of and towards our people. i figure when my mom asks me if i watched it i'll say exactly that and only that. i mean they didn't tell me anything that i wasn't already aware of. of course i kno statistics by heart, but i don't need those to know shit is fucked up. and now that i'm thinking about it more, this show wasn't made for black people. although i suppose there are a large amount that are oblivious to this stuff, i'm almost sure they didn't care to watch it. i'm honestly starting to think this whole thing was filmed to show other people, and especially white people, why we act the way we do, to show our wounds. is it an excuse? are we looking for sympathy? or wtf. i mean i really hope not, but who knows.

homemade chicken and waffles :D i probably won't have to eat for like 5 more hours. knowing me i'll eat within 2. i should be fat. i should also shut up because i appreciate not being fat, as much as i eat.

i can't wait for rock band 2. i'm not sure tho if i should skip guitar hero world tour. i just know they're both gonna cost more than 100, rock band 2 is gonna be easy as shit, and guitar hero is gonna be difficult as shit, based on past experience.

i think i'm developing a new pet peeve at work. it's so annoying when people completley waste your time. i understand that half of los angeles county understands technology at even a 1st grade level, and i don't mind taking my time to explain how things work. that's not my job description tho.. all they really ask of me is to sell stuff and follow their little programs and focuses. but when i do take my time to teach a customer about something or do more than what i need to like open stuff so they can demo it, the least they can do is appreciate it, or better yet, buy somethin lol.. for instance, this guy comes into the store with some headphones that he wanted an adapter for and to test and see if they still worked. so i'm nice enough to let him test them before he bought the adapter, i plug it up to a radio and let him listen. guess what this asshole does: he tells me they work then hands me the headphones and says i can keep them. wtf rite? so i just threw em away while he was standing there. he doesn't buy the adapter and if he did say thank you it wasn't sincere anyway so that was a complete waste of my time. i have plenty of stories similar to that but i think you get my point. who wants to keep helping people out like that if half the customers are gonna be ungrateful? but i guess this why we at radioshack are masters of the bs. if we don't feel like helping you for whatever reason, we'll have the best excuse in world with your name on it. and if u try to call corporate we'll just call before u do and be like the little kid who goes to mommy and tells them their side of story so that they don't get in trouble cuz it's not their fault. i love my job.

indifference.

2008-07-24T20:54:00.000-07:00

so rite now im tryin to watch 40-year-old virgin. i've never seen the movie all the way through, so why not tonite u kno? only problem is that i'm streaming it and it's taking it's sweet time. so i have to pause it and let it load more, not to mention it's broken into 3 videos so that's more waiting. but at least the down time is making me blog.

"just come back". comment from my last post by diamondsr4eva. oh, i came back :D. i wrote a couple verses to Nas' Hero track, and i love myself for it. i'm thinkin i'll post it soon. or when me and my bro record over the beat, i'll post that. either or. it feels good tho when u've stopped somthing for a while, then all of a sudden you start again and you're almost on a different level if not just as skilled. not tryin to be cocky/full of myself, but that's just how it feels. i'm sure u've been there before.

i have to watch that Black in America thing that was on CNN. my mom recorded it while i was at school and she told me i need to watch it. i knew about beforehand but i'd forgotten the date, so at least it's there. honestly tho, as much as i kno i probably should watch it, i don't really want to. i'm not as interested as i should be. i probably won't change the way i live after watching it. even if it changes the way i think, it probably won't be for too long. i'm not an informed person. i don't watch the news, i don't follow politics. "i guess i'm dead cuz i ain't listen to Diddy" or Puff, however that Lupe quote goes. i'm just full of indifference. i don't need stuff to worry about. i just want to live. this is the one subject i hate conversating with adults about. they believe i need to stay informed, that i need to exercise my right to vote. i understand the importance, the consequences, and the reasons behind it. i just can't force myself to.. care. as insensitive as it may sound: i didn't ask anybody to fight for my right to vote, so y guilt trip me about what you heard that people went through. i don't expect u to agree with me or even respect me for that but that's what's in my heart. besides, it's a right to vote, meaning it's a choice, an option available to me. let me choose.

also i've been thinking that niggas needa calm down about cops lol. i know we've all had some bad experiences. i mean people must be on one to think cops have no purpose but to bring you down. u really think they care about ur being that much to sit around and try to catch you fuckin up? come on now.. i know that some cops do focus on certain people and hope they get a good catch, their mama's never taught them respect, they grabbed your balls, whatever, but honestly, every single cop u have met has not been a total asshole, and if you really believe that i think u have something to do with it. i mean it's the same thing as someone who has a problem making friends with a certain group of people. when girls say the guys they date are all the same. i've heard many times that you affect what comes into your own life. your tounge can create, and your mind has a magnetic power. i only really started thinkin about cuz damn near every rapper has to throw "fuck the cops/police" in an album. i mean i don't hate cops, nor do i support everything they do. i have my indifference as usual. i guess i'm just puzzled as to why people put so much time into pointless things like that. shoot me.

i just know there was more to write but now i can't remember :/
o well, back to 40-year-old virgin.. which has only loaded half of the first third of the movie damnit!!

note.

2008-07-17T23:42:00.000-07:00

i am an idiot.

i stopped writing.

why?

earthquake.

2008-07-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

i find it wierd i can never feel one specific way. i can never be just happy or just down. maybe that's with everybody; i doubt it, but who knows? i feel like coldplay's new cd, if that makes sense. by the way, that cd is the shit. and i guess if you use deductive reasoning, (i feel like coldplay's new cd, and that cd is the shit) then i guess i am the shit. i like how that works out, i'm happy. :)

im playing pokemon pearl, and i'm almost at the end. i just find it annoying that every gotdamn pokemon in the elite 4 has earthquake.

don't you hate when an extremely cute girl (or if you are a girl, vice-versa) comes into your job and for whatever reason you can't do anything about it? that happened to me today, just like it did last week. but i guess i shouldn't stress because judging by past experiences they're almost 30 and have children. now i am into older girls, but definately not that old, i'm only talking a couple years older. but it seems like all the ones that look a little bit older than my age are actually a lot older than my age; the ones that look my age are actually underaged. this some bullshit.

so i have a younger twin. i won't go into detail today but he prooved the relativity to me again, it's kinda crazy.

and once again i'll be late for school, but it's ok because i'm black and we're used to it.

i'm kidding, i normally try to stay on time, just not to this class.

[edit]

so i forgot to write about what made me want to write in the first place. i've already been the type of person to not care about much, which is an understatement, because there's a lot that i don't care about. and at times there's no good reason for it, but i can normally defend by saying there's no good reason to care. what i've noticed lately though, is that i'm starting to care even more. in terms of relationships/friendships i've found myself slipping away from 3 specific people, and the sad part is that i'm not really bothered by it. i think i should care a little, i mean they haven't even done anything to negatively affect our relationship but i just feel like letting go..

and i am so mad i haven't listened to nas in a minute. I listened to stilmatic on the way home from school and it was like the best thing in the world. i'm slippin.

playlist.

2008-07-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

i've been listening to one kind of music lately. i don't know how to label it though, it's not a specific genre, there are songs from all across the board. this list includes Common's 'Come Close To Me,' The Stroke's 'You Only Live Once,' Weezer's 'Island in the Sun,' No Doubt's 'Simple Kind of Life,' and Marvin Gaye's 'I Want You.' i don''t know what that means or how i feel but ok. sad part is that i tried to write again last night and this comes out:

i look out a window it's nothing clear
all i see is my face it's like a mirror
look away as if disgraced or if i saw somethin i fear
and if i stand in my place it'll keep drawing near
and it's nothing i can erase so which way do i steer?
wishing i could sway and just drift in this rain
tumble into an ocean and let it take me away
just float on my back til my skin corrodes
and fingers and toes soak til the appearance is old
when i, dream my skies are grey
and the clouds in which i lay are like a rocky terrain
and i stare at the concrete which rejected my feet
i feel the wind escape my presence as i fall in my sleep

i don't know if it's sadness or nonchalance or a mix of both.

anyway yesterday, for the first time in forever, i went shopping. and, for the first time in forever, i bought some jeans. i also discovered a small cult of guys who have had the same two pairs of jeans since highschool. i felt like i was home, but then i left home buy buying two more pairs. but i'm happy.

and tuesday i began to rediscover my artistic side. my friend from my accounting class invited to chill with his people. it was pretty cool; the people i met were some of the coolest black people you can find. not to put my own people down but anybody who is black, and anybody of any race, knows their people are on some shit sometimes. but this group was a fresh breath. one cat was a super smart guy, "blessed with the gift of speech." another was an artist. anything but a typical conversation. i got connected with a lady who does catering so i might have jobs on the side and i get to build experience in a kitchen. anyway, we did a couple stencil designs for tees and hoodies. this was my first time ever doing a stencil so of course im happily drawing until the homie points out i don't have any breaks that allow the entire picture to follow through once i cut it out. in other words i would've made, instead of a stencil, a shaped hole. but it came out really nice, at least i liked it:

(it says "g-eazy")

relevance.

2008-07-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

ive had this cough for maybe three or four weeks and its annoying. i don't even feel sick, but i need to make an appointment to go see a doctor cuz this is some bull. i also need to make an appointment to the eye doctor cuz some asshole stole my glasses at work. why? i dont know. my paycheck completely sucked so i need to fix that next time around. i have bills to pay. my first car note is due in about a week but i haven't got the bill yet. i still love my car. fuck love, i hopped off that tree for a bit, but i might stand near it. you know i stood in line for some wack party last nite and didn't even go in? it was sposed to start at 9, we get there at 9.30, tell me why we're the first people there. then they say it starts at 10 so we chill til then and it seems like crowds of guys get there. so that's pretty gay. after a while a cool number of girls show up, but 4% were even slightly attractive. they still didn't let anybody in til about 10.15, but we left cuz we werent paying 15 bucks for a guy party. i wanna leave.

buckets.

2008-06-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

when somebody figures out how to properly start these things let me know. i swear i spend 10 minutes tryin to figure out how to write a blog. i mean i know what i want to say, but it's difficult sometimes making your words lay down properly..

anyways, my phone was cut off finally. no more at&t. not that i didn't like them, cuz i love being able to switch phones whenever i felt. its just that at my job we have a choice of having an employee plan either under at&t or sprint. at&t is $25 a month, includes 2000 anytime minutes, unlimited texting. so you'd have to add on extras like mobile-to-mobile, nights and weekends, internet, etc. that's still a pretty good deal though right? only thing is that i use internet and texting more than anything, i don't talk on the phone much so 2000 minutes is unlimited to me, but i'd have to pay like 30 bucks more for unlimited internet. so i'd be looking at $55 dollars a month. still not bad right? but let me tell you why i chose sprint: 3000 anytime minutes, nights and weekends at 7pm, mobile-to-mobile, unlimited texting, unlimited internet, and the feature of actually having service in my house, for $20 a month. a lot of people actually complain about sprint, but its not even a big deal until you have to talk to them, and i can get around that. i can switch my phone anytime too, except i have to chit-chat with sprint reps who like to ask questions, but whatever.

i almost want to hop off this tree i've been climbing and say fuck the apple.

i'm a pretty quiet person and i spend most of my time in thought, and i was wondering if any of you similarly quiet people have the same trait as me. do you have a conversation for almost everyone you know? i know it's not uncommon to play out situations in your head, but i think there's a limit to the uncommonality of that habit. from time to time when something is bothering me, or something someone did is bothering me, i always think about exactly what i'd want to say or how to react. only thing is i never act on it because i can never care enough to let it keep bothering me. i just think it's funny i've had enough time on my hands to think up whole conversations with virtually everyone i know.

peach sorbet is the shit.

why hasn't anyone forced me to listen to no doubt in all my years of living?? i decided monday to get their entire discography via azureus, and i love it. their music is so chill, and relaxing. this is really elevating my mood. you know in the matrix reloaded when neo brings that girl back to life by massaging her heart? that's what this music is doing to my mood rite now... and i realize how retarded that sounds but i just saw the movie again at work so i had to throw that in somewhere. i really just wanted to set the table so i could say this: you the french guy who had the keymaker prisoner? his wife was fucking sexy.

today this old man gave me a gold dollar and said if i keep it in my pocket i'll never be broke. i think i'll humor him.

speaking of movies, you remember the crackhead from don't be a menace to south central while drinkin yo juice in the hood? i swear some guy came into my job looking exactly like him, maybe a little fatter, asking if we had direct tv remotes. then he asked for change for the bus. does that add up to you? how you gon' have direct tv and you can't even secure your ride to the next destination? got his priorities mixed up. i need to stop being such an ass.

you ever take a class or something and accurately predict who you're gonna befriend? it's really crazy how that works.

another thing i was thinking about: you ever have an elder tell you to buy your house before you get married so in case you divorce it'll still be yours? or anything along that matter as far as getting yourself settled before you get married? seems like a wise idea, yes. but i started thinking and i came to the conclusion that we are really messed up. i say that because i know there was a time when marraige was sacred. if not that i know there was a time when couples care enough to try. i'm not saying this applies to everyone but i'm sure you all know of at least a handful of people that can wear these shoes. what happened to making it work? what happened to trying? i know there are some cases that are understandable, like i would've divorced my dad too, but others seem like a waste of time to make things work cuz divorce is the easy way out. i only hope i don't grow into that person, you know?

balance.

2008-06-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

it seems like my feelings are evenly portioned into a balance scale. i dont kno what to feel like. im mad but im happy, confused and relaxed. bummed and chill. i swear i have a mild habit of mood swings.

i want this weekend to be over. theres been so many ups and downs its not even funny.. u know how at the beach every day the tide rises and falls and can never make up its mind what level it wants to stay at? dont u think the sand would be irritated by that? i would be, and thats how i feel rite now. im retarded.

there is water all over my keyboard.

so this weekend, i got to chill with my second fam, had a good convo (one that could possibly mark a new level in a relationship), ate one meal a day for two days, went to my highschool's graduation, played mario strikers halfway through that graduation, said goodbye to a lot of friends, saw a lot of old friends, didn't get to say goodbye how i wanted to the one girl ive had a crush on for about 3 years but it'd probably never work out, went to roscoe's in hollywood and lost my appetite, discovered that driving in echo park is a straight bitch. my mood was shot (which is still fidgeting on the floor), bummed around the house for 4 hours, saw the hulk, had a jalapeño chicken sandwhich at carl's jr even tho the clerk was a stupid asshole, had a completely meaningless conversation, and now i cant get a certain someone or something out of my head. each of these things all have their own story behind it. i really just wanna go to the beach tonite and think about stuff. i think i wanna leave the state again too, like i originally wanted.

yo no sé... u tell me how to feel...

spiderweb.

2008-06-16T20:49:00.001-07:00

does anybody else hate their extended family, well at least the idea of them? im talking about the family of the new girlfriend/boyfriend of the parent you don't or don't want to live with. the group of people that know your name but you don't know their. the people that want to give you their love, but you just don't want that shit.

im not tryin to sound as harsh as i know i sound, but honestly. my relationship with my dad is nearly hanging by a spiderweb that stays stuck to my fingers when i try to pick it off. now i can understand him wanting me to meet his girlfriend, but of course i don't want to. a couple months ago i dropped him off at home and bailed myself out of meeting her. i just don't want anybody i don't kno to be attached to me through someone i don't want to be attached to if that makes any sense. sadly, it's too late. this is the same lady that was calling my cell phone, that i did not give her the number to, during the christmas season to see i got the 300 dollars she gave to my dad to give me. which brings up two questions... first, who the fuck gives away 300 dollars to somebody she has never even seen before??? and second, where the fuck is the money with my name on it that i never cared to ask about because i never cared to recieve it but it's just the principle of the matter, gregory (that's my dad's name if you didn't guess)???

so if things weren't wierd enough, guess what? they live literally around the corner from my job. so one day my dad and his girlfriend come into my store because has to put money on her nigga phone (boost ilimitado!), which is a whole blog post in itself. but i did a good job at staying out of my dad's sight in the middle of helping a customer without making it obvious. i mean either i have super mad sick skills or he's incompetent; it wasn't the first time he walked by me and didn't notice me. anyways, that doesn't matter anymore because he came in my store another time and saw me, so now he knows where i work. and with that he brings his girlfriend in to meet me. later she brings her daughter in to meet me, and she's caliing me brother. i don't even know her damn name, so wtf?

don't get me wrong, they're nice people, and i don't wanna put them down for that. but i don't want them to think i'm ready/willing to just accept them into my life. before i even think about becoming family with my dad's family, i have to become family with my dad again, you get me? and that's unlikely in itself... the indifference just eats away at the possibility.

does this count as a rant?

anyways, here's some boredom:

jagerbomb.

2008-06-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

i like how some of the most important parts of your life are the most boring. i mean how many of u have actually had a fun graduation. i mean i had a fun highschool graduation, cuz a fourth of our entire class went backstage to chill. but i mean the actual graduation was nothing that interesting u kno?

so after the turning of the tassles i greet my supporters, all whom i couldn't spend time with because of the most stressful kickback ever. let me tell u, we had a room rented, and check in was at 2, graduation was at 3, point a was the 10 freeway, point b the 405, and the road was the 110 freeway building up to rush hour, fun rite? the suspense of thinking im going to miss my own graduation was the best. so anyways, the lil 'contract' for booking a room says no visitors or parties. and we're at a small hotel, so of course our plan for everybody to just walk-in and act like u kno where ur going fell, besides the fact two of them went straight to the front desk asking where to go. the kickback reminded me of a certain new years in a sense, how it was pretty much over before 12. i mean we were up til like 4 but still.. i think ive finally chosen my drink (thanks to an old aquaintance): monster/jager. u kno those four-pack monsters? i had a whole case that nite. now i dont know if it was that or the bed i slept on that kept me up, i woke up more than i actually slept.

next day four of us went to disneyland, i haven't been since maybe summer of 10th grade and i've never been to california adventure, but both parks for 20 bucks is not bad at all. it was great actually, had a salmon blt and chocolate cake and mai tai. we were just super tired tho, we took a hour nap on the benches outside space mountain. u ever feel like there's sombody stalking u across the park? i mean who else but us likes monster's inc, tower of terror, the rollercoaster which name slips me, and the bee ride, in exactly that order?

sat. nite was the other kickback, u kno how there's that one guy who drinks too much and has to talk to everyone and star a fight with the gay guy? yea, there was one of those, and he tried to attack our friend. pretty funny. i also tore a square, not a hole, out of my shirt while ramming a port-a-potty while my friend was inside. and i finally saw ironman :)

i needed this weekend. im tired, but its that good tired that you can't even be mad about. sadly i have to take my ass rite back to school

licorice.

2008-05-29T20:43:00.000-07:00

u ever tried licorice altoids? don't.

so another headache, but i remembered that i forgot to eat dinner last nite so that explains everything.

last day of culinary arts at LATTC. u have no idea how happy i am. im actually like whatever. anyways, we went out to eat, we intended to eat at grinders, but the waitresses were immature and we're bickering over our table. i mean we had 18 people, but one waitress can handle that. it's just that our group crossed sections so the other waitress wanted half of the customers, or should i say half the tips. i wouldve preferred the one waitress who had helped us first, which would be fair, but the fact they were arguing in front of their guests wasnt the best idea. we all walked out, and judging by the bill we got at the place we went to down the street, they lost a good 200 dollars in business, and at least 20 in tips.

after the food we said our goodbyes kind of, we're seeing each other next week but that was the last day as a class.

dopio.

2008-05-28T22:43:00.000-07:00

i want it to rain.

today was one of those days, u kno the ones where things seem to affect u easier? where your mood changes at the turn of your own head? where you think so precisely you can point out everyone's asshole-ness, and justify your own?

one of those days where u just have to point out every negative event even though a lot of good happened too.. so yesterday my tire was flat, i thought because of the nail that was in it, so i was expecting to pay around 15 to get it fixed. turns out there was little area on the side of the tire where it had busted, making my tire no good, making my 15 only a factor of the price i really had to pay. 64 bucks goes to a new tire, straight out of my quickly draining account. i just got paid thursday and im already through half of i; that may not sound bad, but i dont usually spend that fast. either that or i normally don't care, but since my mood was off, so was my level of concern.

my dad shows up at my job. yay. it sucks when ur dad lives around the corner from ur job, when u have my dad at least. my co-worker thought it was cute my dad was trying to talk to me. fuck that.

there's one type of customer i do not like: they come in, i offer to help them. they say they're going to wait for another associate, whether it's because their a loyal customer, or they can't speak english well and i can't speak spanish well and they don't want to deal. i can understand that. but if you're going to brush me off, then get impatient and ask me to help them, im kinda like wth, but only kinda, ill take care of u. but today this lady does this, asks me to help her understand her phone, then in the middle of me plugging it up just changes her mind wants to return it, starts talking to my co-worker about returning it. fuck me rite? iono if i'm not making sense or whatever but isn't that a lil messed up/disrespectful/a waste of my time?

i have my final test in my final class tomorrow. next week i graduate. this trail of thought im following is an interesting one. i am ready to take the next step in my education, and im glad i have goals now. but i'm going to miss school. granted i don't have to wake up at 5am anymore, but i can't picture anything that's going to be as fun as this was. how many of these people will i continue to see after graduation, let alone talk to? it sucks u kno? i cant overdose on the double espresso drinks that dont even affect me. i cant quote superbad every other minute anymore. i want it to rain, so i can stand in it, cool my head off. "last two weeks, fuck it."

gnocci.

2008-05-24T10:54:00.001-07:00

[5.23.08]
my head hurts like shit.

today is mi madre's bday, i took her to maxwells. sunrise sandwhich :D

im really iffy about work rite now. ive been working every day this week, even on my off day. no lo me gusta. i'm tired. pero ive been selling a phone every day also, so the check will be bonita.

i wanna watch spanglish. actually i need to watch cloverfield, i got the dvd and it has yet to penetrate the dvd slot.

finish later.

[5.24.08]
my head still hurts like shit. wtf.

so last night was pretty good, sold another phone at work, u know its a really good feeling when customers come back and they come back to u and the rely on what u have to say. like two days ago my customer came back to find out if he could watch streaming porn on his phone. random. [and no i do not watch streaming porn on my phone, i just know what it's capable of]. after work i end up going to olive garden with a friend, when we left, it started raining. she hated it, i loved it, and it was obvious cuz people were laughing at our opposing reactions. then we saw indiana jones, good stuff.

so now i have an hour to get ready for work and pretty much be there.

few of my favorite things.

2008-05-18T21:15:00.001-07:00

pursuit of...

2008-05-14T14:24:00.000-07:00

think...
gas isn't scarce.
you don't need more money.
this market isn't experiencing depression..
we are.
maybe we just need to search for happyness.

playing with my wii.

2008-05-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

so this weekend was pretty interesting.
i was this close to seeing ironman (-> <-), that close. but i had a marathon to run in the morning.

revlon walk/run.

got to usc around 7 and joined the thousands of frugal people in grabbing stuff from the various booths. i think i got enough toothbrushes to last me a few years now that i think about it... the race itself was interesting. we waited for an hour at the start line waiting to start listening to people who i didn't know who they were, 'cept halle berry who was talking about going home to breastfeed her child. and i like how there were cheating kids riding scooters through the race. freakin asses man. speaking of asses, who the hell puts a restroom in front of the finish line?? i lost like 2 minutes due to that. but all in all it was great, it feels good to save many women from breast cancer. the whole time i ran i was supporting their boobs, i was like a bra, u shoulda seen it.

oh, i saw a redwood :D

so what do u do when ur hungry and don't know what to eat? u say 'fuck it' and go to phuket thai.

and i finally sold my ps3 to some cute girl, it was cool. sad i spent the money 30 minutes later and bought a wii, but it was worth it. really.

primero.

2008-05-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

so, first post. yee!

im listening to marvin gaye's 'i want you'.
1 hour before i go to work, early, i hate when that happens, i swear it's like 'no' isn't part of my vocab.

im hungry, like always.

so i'm running this marathon for breast cancer on saturday, only problem is i have a cold. so i'm now running a race to get better so i can run a race :/

and it's one month before graduation and i'm trying to get this celebration kickback together for the night of. sucks that while i'm writing a guestlist, my pen is dying. i've only used it about 5 times, some guy from a plumbing company gave it to me. now i'm thinking, if your pen only lasts 2 days, how long are your pipes gonna last. i mean wtf... you just lost a potential customer.